Thank goodness this never happened to me cause my parents were good parents, it’s just as much the childrens home as the parents and children should be allowed to say “I don’t feel comfortable with another man or woman living hear” Its the parents responsibility to make sure their children are comfortable and feel safe around a new adult. The parent should plan a public meet and greet parent, child, step and after each one the children should have the right to say no more and it end there.
An adult does not need a minors consent to do anything.
It’s the other way around. Be the parent. Do not look to a child for answers you’re expected to already have.
There is no argument you will find that trumps what I am telling you.
I think asking their opinion on the new adult is fine. Like if my mom started dating a guy who was drunk all the time and made disgusting remarks about her, I’d want her to know I dont like him and he sucks. But i’ll be real with you, when I was a kid and my parents got a divorce I hated every guy my mom saw, and if I had the deciding say as a child she wouldnt be with the man shes with now. But now I realize my stepdad is one of the best people Ive ever met and if I was broken down at 3am 200 miles away all it would take is a phone call and he’d be getting his boots on to come help. I dont think children are mature enough to be the deciding factor of a decision like this
I too had great step dad. Yeah I agree kids should not have a say unless that person is a horrible person.
There is no bigger cock-blocker than the children of single mothers. Giving them veto power to make mom an actual involuntary celibate is too much.
They can still have a relationship just no living in the same house
The mom of a friend of mine did this when he was growing up. She was a single mom, she asked him about a guy she was seeing, he said “He’s a little weird, not sure I like him” not really meaning anything by it other than an honest answer. The guy was gone from their lives within a few days. He said he might not have given that answer if he’d realized what she was asking, it was just a snap answer based on not really knowing the guy that well.
The guy had money, seemed otherwise like a fairly decent person, but she dropped him without a second thought after that one conversation. Just gone. She did a lot of things wrong in her life but pretty much the one and only thing she was unerringly on the money about was loving her kids and making them the center whatever else was going on. She pretty much DGAF about what else was happening if there was ever a conflict.
Good parents take care of their children, and provide a safe home to live in; however the children do not have an ultimate say. A good parent would have a discussion to explain the situation and also be sure the person moving in is safe to have around the children they’re responsible for, but ultimately the grownups pay the bills, put clothes on the children’s backs, and put food on the table. If the child feels entitled to an equal share vote in the household decisions then expectations should be managed.
If a kid doesn’t like one of their parents because they are forced to do chores and eat their veggies, should the kid have a say in whether or not that parent gets to stick around? I’d argue no, because as a child, the mind is not fully developed and decisions are coming from a possibly hormonal, emotional child. It would be foolish of a parent to ignore a child saying they don’t like someone if the reasoning makes sense, but kids dont get to decide the lives of their parents. If a new person is coming into the house and makes the kid feel uncomfortable for legit reasons, not, “I don’t like them”, then their opinion matters. Outside of that it carries very little weight, because kids are fucking stupid.
I read “adult move” as “adult movie” and was very confused
the children should have the right to say no more and it end there
Or what?
Don’t be surprised when they don’t talk to you when grown up or ask to live with the other parent because you are prioritizing your new partner over your literal children. Also violating their consent.
Real life isn’t that simple. Parents stop being able to take care of themselves and move in.
Your sister gets a really bad disability and becomes unable to work therefore afford a room.
These kind of situations are more common than you’d think.
It’s not as simple as everything being a choice.
People take care of each other, they move in together. The problem is not people moving in without the kids approval. It’s parents neglecting them or the person moving in not treating the kid right.
That’s a good point, I guess I’d add that it’s fine to keep seeing them or even to allow them over for dinner or to game night, but giving children time to get to know them and like them before officially moving in.
Also violating their consent.
Every time I make them put their shoes on. Make them do their homework. Eat their vegetables. Be home at a certain time.
Parenting is all about violating consent. Children get input, not veto rights.
Not the same thing if they object to a stranger living in their home, and you let them in anyway, they feel less safe and now if they come to you because that person does something bad you’re more likely to question whether they’re being truthful or not. It’s literally the case for so many parents who think their kids are just trying to lie to get then out the house.
It’s not that hard to wait to move them in. Let them come over for dinner or game night and let kids get comfortable and like them first.
Growing up in a relatively large house my parents rented out half the house (the finished basement) a few times. They never directly asked for our consent, but we were informed beforehand so I guess we had the opportunity to speak up?
Renting assuming it was exclusive and they weren’t allowed in the whole house is fine imo. It’s when the adults shared the same common areas.
Depended case by case. Sometimes it was exclusive, sometimes not. Usually it was “the common areas in the basement are yours to use but not exclusively” whereas they wouldn’t be generally going upstairs. So I guess we could (and would) invade their shared space but not the other way around ha.
Fortunately only a few weirdos over the year.
