Speaking as someone who did similar:

You will never be able to make him understand why you’re cutting off contact. You may not see that now. Spork knows, I didn’t for a few years. But it’s true, if you try to explain he will simply try to debate or he’ll push you off as immature.

To save your own sanity, all you can do is cut ties completely.

Other people here may offer differing advice. Some of them haven’t been through this situation, so they can’t know the torment you’re going through.

I can only speak from my experience.

Cutting them off was the best thing I did for my mental health. Cutting them off was not easy. I still think of them sometimes, of what might have been. But I’m comfortable with my decision, I’m confident I made the right one. Through plenty of evidence-based psychology, I now understand the reasons.

Getting back to your first question: sometimes, it’s good to be selfish for the right reasons. Maintaining your own health and well-being? That’s the right reason.

Your father’s desire to hurt people is far more selfish than making him discuss something. But if you make him discuss it, he will only act threatened and refuse to see your point of view.

You will only begin to heal once you cut him out of your life. I don’t say that lightly.

Again, if someone hasn’t lived through a situation like this (and hasn’t had to make the same hard decisions), they can’t understand. So don’t be afraid of the naysayers.

When I found out my mom voted for Trump the first time, I didn’t speak to her for a year. I only did then because she reached out to say she was wrong (a first for her).

When I explained (more like yelled) why I wasn’t going to have anything to do with her, I told her in detail how she was betraying everything she raised me to be. She used to sponsor the LGBT club at the school where she worked and I told her she was betraying all those kids she said she cared about.

It isn’t a choice between you and Trump. It is a choice between your dad being the type of man he raised you to be, or not.

Nope. Do it. I did. It’s rough at first, but it gets better over time.

You won’t miss him. You’ll miss the idea of who he was, but then you’ll realize he was never the person you grew up believing in/admiring.

Sometimes you grow up and your dad stays your hero. Other times, you learn he’s a narcissist misogynistic selfish small minded person.

Cut people like this out of your life.

Lol, these comments saying it’s selfish.

Selfish would be pushing that trump hate in your sons face.

Just like cheerleading the federal job massacre when both of your kids are feds should get you ghosted.

I would only spend any amount of time around him that you feel you want to, as someone who feels that way, you owe them none of your energy.

You don’t get to always be in someones life. That’s not a constant. If you act like an asshole, that person may simply decide for their mental health to get rid of you completely. And that’s on you.

When people make mistakes, they apologize. But when someone is just telling you who they are, listen.

Obviously, your mental health and well-being and that of your partner are the first consideration. Please do whatever the two of you need to survive the times.

That said, when I read, “it’s either me or these beliefs/trump,” I wondered how you would have reacted if your dad had said you have to choose between him and being gay/your partner. I assume you might have shut the door in his face, felt good about it, and never looked back.

I doubt he’ll feel any different about it.

Nope, I almost did it, but he stopped pressing my buttons. He thought “grab em by the pussy” was funny, kept talking about trump. Told him the exact same thing I told the ex friend I did cut from my life: I don’t associate with Trump supporters, either cut that shit out or lose my number.

They have a right to believe what they want, I have a right to distance myself and not speak to them. Their morals are fucked, I will have no part of it.

While you could try to deradicalize him, you absolutely don’t owe anything to someone who not only has failed his duty as a parent to support you, but also actively opposes your rights.

(also, reminder that there is no such thing as a ‘Roman’ salute)

There is never any change without pain. You are in the right.

You want him to realize he’s in the wrong? It takes pain, like the pain of “Why don’t my kids visit anymore?”

If this is cruel, remember they’ve been doing this to you first.

I believe that if someone is supporting policies that are directly impacting your quality of life/well being you’re well within your rights of cutting that person out and telling them to fuck off.

This goes beyond “politics”. What kind of garbage person puts the well being of 2 handfuls of rich failsons ahead of their own children? Well, my parents for one, and your dad for another it seems.

Before cutting them out, I recommend putting it in terms similar to this. Emphasize how they have failed at the basic premise of being a parent by putting their own children’s wellbeing behind that of about a handful of the wealthiest families on the planet with more resources than god. Literally subsidizing these strangers failsons at the expense of their own children.

Your mental health must come first. You can’t fix others if you’re broken.

No. I ended my relationship with my mother for voting for him a second time. She saw the harm he caused. She knew the harm he would cause to people I love. She is willfully blind to his faults. I can’t tolerate that anymore. Neither should you. Cut the cancer out and don’t look back.

Not selfish at all.

I’ve cut so many people from my life. I have a rule. If you exist in my life, and all you do is make me angry, there better be a REASON you’re making me angry. Like when I was TRYING to get my dad to accept help from the government a few years back. His roof is failing. It’s only getting worse. Our city has a roof replacement program for seniors. Totally free roof. His house is rotting. When it rains outside, it rains inside.

So yeah, I fought him for 2 years trying to get him to take the roof.

Yeah I made him angry, but it’s because I care about him. And the fight is about getting him to take care of himself.

Unlike my sister, who will call, just to argue, and fight, with no real reason. I don’t answer her calls.

And when I’ve had “friends” that only care about you when they need something, fuck off. I’m a generous person, who people think they can take advantage of. And I guess they can to a certain extent. I don’t mind helping those in need. But there comes a point when you realize “I only see this guy every few months, and only when he has some sob story, and needs something”.

THATS when I stop talking to friends. OR when I realize that I’m ALWAYS the one who has to innitiate contact. Like if I just stayed silent, the friendship would just be over. Ok then. Guess you never think about me if I’m not already in your presense. I don’t need those people in my life.

Do what you want, God is fake.

I don’t think it’s selfish. At all.

If you let him know you’ll be there for him whenever he decides to leave the cult, you’re pretty much being generous. You don’t owe him forgiveness, but offering it up front might also make it easier for him to one day get out. And it might make it easier on you as well.

By definition it is selfish I’d say. BUT! Huge “but” here, like you wouldn’t believe - sometimes it is alright to be selfish. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first. This is most definitely one of those times.