That’s the best way I can describe it. Just neverending. Which sounds obvious but the actual experience of always having to parent, phew…
I’m not having the best day today. He’s on summer break and hanging with me all day. We did okay yesterday but today it was just a domino of me feeling disappointed in myself that the house is always a mess and probably a level beyond that, like there’s too much stuff to fit. But my own level of non-cleanliness has rubbed off on my kid cause there’s no proper place to put his stuff. So I started cleaning then asked him to do some small tasks but I was feeling resentful for how he seems to just drop things wherever. I get it, you also got to teach them how to clean up and implement chores etc. and thus adds to the relentless grind of having to have these long term parenting plans but also try to be present in the moment and enjoy things and somehow have endless stores of patience. Today I definitely haven’t. I’ve lost my shit and yelled and just let things domino out of control into a terrible grouchiness. I know some days suck and we get up and try again. Just wanted to get it out I guess. No advice needed. Just ranting to rant.
Sounds like a good plan. Yea part of it is…my mom was a hoarder (not like TV show levels but definitely a hoarder) and I rub up against the fact that I have the same tendencies. It’s livable but I realized my livable is at a level that’s probably kind of embarrassing to the average person. Been doing some purges but it’s never enough. I have to face the fact that I have tendencies to want to hold onto things beyond what is reasonable. Reasonable would be a proper place in the house for what we have. If there isn’t space, it’s too much stuff and I can never seem to get down to that level. I have stopped a lot of discretionary spending though at least, used to do weekly Target runs but haven’t been since about February.
Since February! Congratulations! That’s an impressive achievement!
Thanks, I thought it would be tough and at first it was weird but it hasn’t been too bad overall. Similar with Amazon, I thought I could never give up Prime but I cancelled that as well. I still have it for a few months that I paid through but I have not really made orders through it and guess what? I’m still alive lol.
So proud of you! Every step in the right direction is an incredible achievement, well done!
That’s the kind of progress I wish I could make. Everyone tells me I need to get rid of things, then when I’m ready to throw something away, those same people are like, “Well don’t throw that away. It’s in good condition.”
But it’s more complicated with my kids’ stuff. I was very attached to things when I was little, and my parents would throw things away without telling me. I promised I’d never do that with my kids, but my daughter is so attached to everything that the end result is that nothing gets thrown out ever.
Being able to identify things that could be thrown away, then throwing them away? Difficult as it is, it sounds like a blessing.
I feel the same on the “livable” thing. I know that the condition my house is in might be unacceptable to a lot of people, but I try to accept that I have limited capacity and that I focus on the things that matter. Like I prioritize quality time and healthy meals for my kids.
I mentioned this to my therapist who agreed that it was a healthy attitude. Then I was like, “As long as my kids are healthy and happy, who cares if the floor hasn’t been mopped in six months?” and her eyes widened like she hadn’t thought it was that bad.
Yea that’s tough. Honestly what has helped with the mindset, my mom has since passed and of course I wish she was still here, but it has given me permission to let go of a lot of things. I am slowly trying to help my dad go through their house and it’s…a lot. But in the end it’s as you say what matters is your health, times with loved ones etc. Towards the end, I told her it was just stuff and don’t worry about it anymore. But now when I purge at their house…she isn’t telling me she can use this or that and I can just get on with it. My dad has a bit of it too so I just don’t even let him look at the bags of stuff I donate or trash now. Oh yea check out Freecycle, trash Nothing or buy nothing. A bit of a double edged sword cause you can use those services to get things. But I have given away a lot of things on there and it feels good.