• Ubettawerk@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    11 months ago

    I’m certain that I am some degree of polyamorous. But I’m in a 10-year monogamous relationship and feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place

    • Munkey@lemmy.world
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      11 months ago

      Might not be to late me and my wife of 12 years are starting talks of this.

      • Ubettawerk@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        11 months ago

        If you don’t mind, how did you two even start that conversation? I’m afraid to bring it up because I know the knee-jerk reaction will probably be a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings

        • Munkey@lemmy.world
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          11 months ago

          She brought it up first. Key thing is being open and honest and setting clear boundaries that both people need to follow. Trust is the biggest thing to keeping things good.

    • Nyantifa@lemmygrad.ml
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      11 months ago

      This was exactly me three years ago. We ended up talking it out and, while things were a bit rocky at first as we felt things out, now I have 3 partners and my original partner has a boyfriend.

      My advice is to be open and honest (a big requirement of polyamory), talk things out, and take it SLOW. My biggest mistakes were from jumping into things far too quickly.

  • Lapus@lemmy.world
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    11 months ago

    I’m terrified of heights. No one knows. I’m great at faking it.

    • chepox@sopuli.xyz
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      11 months ago

      So am I. I took rock climbing lessons. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. Eventually I lost the fear and felt awesome. Stopped climbing for years and now it’s back. Fuck.

      • Lapus@lemmy.world
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        11 months ago

        That is interesting how it went away and came back. Putting me on a ladder almost paralyzes me. I have to block the world out and focus on breathing in order to finish the task I got up there to do. .

        • chepox@sopuli.xyz
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          11 months ago

          Exposure treatment works. It sucks but it works. You just have to keep chiseling at it slowly but constantly. If you keep it up for long enough you will realize that feeling is almost gone when exposed to heights. The key here is being relentless at exposing yourself to what scares you (safely). In my mind, I just thought my brain was getting bored with always being scared and it just kinda went away. About a year in I went from not being able to walk on the hallway of the 4th floor of my college building to actually sitting on the railing (like everyone else). The thing is I wasn’t faking not being scared. I was genuinely not scared.

        • MaungaHikoi@lemmy.nz
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          11 months ago

          That was me too. Now I’m good up to about 2 stories high, which is how high the climbing gym was.

          It was scary and there were definitely times I abandoned a climb because my legs wouldn’t stop shaking, but you eventually learn to trust the ropes will save you and push through the fear. It was 100% worth it.

      • Lapus@lemmy.world
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        11 months ago

        When I was a kid, when you told your fears, it was greeted with responses like, "that’s silly, you’ll get over it. Now get up that ladder and paint that wall. "

        • Bonifratz@feddit.de
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          11 months ago

          I see, that sucks. But maybe it’s worth trying opening up again with certain people. Not everybody is like that.

        • visak@lemmy.world
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          11 months ago

          Making up stories of past and present hardship for sympathy does sound like my ex who was diagnosed with BPD. But not everyone diagnosed behaves the same, and there are several similar disorders in the cluster, plus comorbidities. The diagnoses are really just descriptive anyway. We don’t know enough about our minds to really understand.

          Ultimately doesn’t matter. Sounds like you have reason to doubt this person. If you can’t or don’t want to disconnect then all you can do is watch their behavior and react accordingly. If they betray your trust it does really matter why they did it.

          Good luck, my friend.

  • Cyber Yuki@lemmy.world
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    11 months ago

    Not never, but at least for a few years (hopefully not my entire life): I’m transgender. 😞

  • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world
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    11 months ago

    When I was about 11 I found roadkill, put it in a mailbox close to my home, watched from the window, and laughed when the mailman screamed.