Bigfoot, if real, is an animal and thus not a citizen of any kind what-so-ever.

Scientists should be working on technology to allow rats to pilot cooks.

Wtf… There are still places that have payphones? 😮

The game “Heat.”

I remember when I was a kid, I was eating a banana and suddenly felt something hard and crunchy. It was one of my baby teeth that was already super loose finally coming free.

“He-hell naw!”

I wanna swim in a giant vault of weed the way Scrooge McDuck swam in gold coins.

Most days it’s a 3 or 4. Today is a 1.

Dave’s Gourmet Creamy Garlic Red Sauce.

I would totally fuck me.

Imagine having the power but not the ability because you’re the last one left.

I only really need to for chicken.

I have to shove a whole fucking table up there? 😫

“We took him apart and now we don’t know how to put him back together.”

The other day I had a slight, sharp pain in my foot and then noticed hella blood on my sandal. A piece of glass had managed to penetrate the sole and stab me.

Why am I bringing this up? Because it barely hurt. Literal glass stabbing my foot hurt less than stepping on a Lego.

Put googly eyes on the robot and name it Steve. Tell investors it’s intelligent. Tell them you can have sex with it. You’ll have so much money.

Well that sounds like cheating.

The only missions that do that are ones where you’re in a race or chasing someone down. Which aren’t new.

Is it slopped or is it shopped? 🤔

I think I understand how the battery where they drop a big weight down a mountain works; how do these work? Or how does it compare in effectiveness as I assume it’s probably the same principle?