I’m a single mother of a 12 year old boy and recently he told me he was gonna have some friends over, but he asked me if I could stay in my room while they hangout. After some arguing I did end up staying in my room for the most part outside of bringing them snacks/drinks. I was kind of hurt because I want to be that cool/friendly mom to my son’s friends and I want to get to know who my son is hanging out with. I’m definitely on the younger end for a mother of a 12 year old since I had him extremely early, so I feel like I’d be less embarrassing than other moms. Any time I’ve offered to chaperone for school events, he’s begged me not to. What should I do? Is this just a phase?
That’s a tough place to be. And on behalf of someone who was like this, I’m sorry.
There’s really no way to win here. Your son doesn’t want you to be the cool mom, but at the same time, he doesn’t want you to be cold or mean. You’re dealing with an irrational person who doesn’t know what they want from their mom.
The best you can do is to keep trying but expect rejection most times. Don’t overdo it, but don’t stop either. I think you have good motives, and your son probably realizes it too, but you’re dealing with chemical hormones right now and there’s no real ways to beat it except patience and waiting.
I’m sorry, it’s a hard place to be and I’m remembering how I was towards my mom during that time.
I agree with the other person here. I don’t think you need to abide by your son’s rules like telling you to stay in your room. No, you still need to be the mother and be firm especially because kids get into some bad things and sometimes you need to know when your son is hanging with the wrong crowd. Not that you need to hover over them in his room, but you should be able to be in the kitchen or living room. He still needs to respect you and that’s not irrational to expect that for yourself.