Does it actually matter whether you flirt with someone or not in order for them to (potentially) develop feelings for you? A lot of people have told me it’s intrinsic, as in “If they like you, they like you.” So you should just treat the person you’re interested in like you would any other person.
So if it all comes down to connection and looks, doesn’t that make flirting a bit redundant?
Edit: To clarify, I see flirting as banter to make sexual/romantic intentions known.
Some people think just talking to the opposite sex is flirting. Some people would define flirting as how you let them you know you’re interested in the first place.
It’s not redundant, it simply can’t be as a part of courtship, but what is meaningless is our current understanding of what, exactly, it consists of.
Making intentions known is necessary. Flirting is just one of the preocesses by which intention is established. In that way, it is not strictly necessary, in the same way that cake is not necessary, but food is.
Flirting is a process which intentionally leaves ambiguity because it lets people avoid embarrassment. Being rejected, in many cultures, is embarrassing. By attempting flirting, a person can show interest indirectly, and the other person can show interest in return or show disinterest with quiet cues that let the instigator pull back without having to do something as vulnerable as explicitly stating intentions or experience embarrassment at being directly rejected.
Flirting, like anything else, can also be used as a display of quality, the verbal/intellectual equivalent of peacock feather displays.
How necessary these elements are is entirely contextual. Some partners despise the pretense of it. Others view it as incredibly fun. Some are deeply embarassed by the prospect of rejection. Some are not bothered by it at all.
some people believe flirting is a goal in itself or an indispensable part of life for a valid human. meaning, these type of people can’t conceive the existence of someone who doesn’t flirt nor one who doesn’t enjoy flirting. that’s very dehumanizing for others of us.
not everyone is capable of flirting.
Is chewing redundant? The little swish of a nice beverage? Flirting is the game, it’s half the fun. Sure the other parts are nourishing and wonderful too. But to flirt is to delight in such a primally human interaction.
I mean, if you don’t chew you’ll choke to death on your food, so, no it’s not redundant.
It’s only fun if it’s appreciated by the other party, though.
Same with any pair activity. Paddling a canoe is no fun if one person doesn’t like water and wants outta there ASAP!
Seems like this was answered already, but I’ll add my two cents. Attraction isn’t always 100% physical. It can be and often is tied to personality. Flirting is a way to show your personality in a more intimate way. A good flirt can cause someone else to develop attraction where without it that attraction may not have developed.
Flirting is just part of seduction. It’s not just to “make intentions known”, people are more dynamic than that. Being flirted with will often actually create feelings that weren’t there before. If you enjoy how someone makes you feel, you open up and become closer. Merely being liked by someone can be quite flattering.
Is flirting redundant?
For autistic people: maybe.
For everyone else: no.
As an aspie, we still flirt. We just (sometimes) flirt differently.
Quick follow up question: What is your idea of flirting?
Displaying interest, typically through compliments and thoughtful questions, and also reinforcing legitimate similarities between you through active agreement. This often gradually increases in directness and sexuality until kissing or rejection happens.
The whole intent is to convey “I don’t just act like this regularly, I am so interested in you that you provoke these actions.”
Are you flirting with me?
I’ve been flirting with you every single time we’ve encountered each other. I’m so glad you finally noticed.
I’m just glad to be noticed too.
You’re a hard cum fart to ignore.
Flirting is a means of communicating that a person likes another person. If no one flirted, then meeting people would be even more difficult than it already is.
I see flirting as banter to make sexual/romantic intentions known.
That’s basically what it is. It’s not there to make someone develop feelings, it’s a way to safely make your feeling known and see if they are reciprocated. It’s basically lowering the risk of rejection, if the feeling isn’t mutual and you don’t get a response you can just write it off as a harmless flirt. If (s)he flirts back you can dial it up a notch.
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No, it isn’t. They may already like you but how will they know you care if you don’t offer an array of easy to misunderstand signals?
A lot of people have low self esteem and/or don’t see themselves as attractive. Their perception of themselves isn’t always obvious, either. Flirting with them can give them that “nudge” they need to act on their feelings.
Precisely, flirting signals to someone else that you’re potentially attracted to them.
If they’ve written you off as a potential romantic partner for whatever reason (they assume you’d never be interested, they thought you had a partner, they thought you were only ever going to be just friends, etc), then that signal can cause them to start considering you as a romantic option.
Flirting is how you build connection? Perhaps we have different ideas on what flirting is, but to me, its the things you do to build a connection (talking, joking, hanging out, etc). So if you dont do those things, you’ll not build a connection.
Perhaps we have different ideas on what flirting is
I think we do. I see flirting as banter to make sexual/romantic intentions known.
but to me, its the things you do to build a connection (talking, joking, hanging out, etc).
How is that different from making friends though? I mean that’s exactly what I do with friends and basically anyone.
Is your end goal with your friends to put your mouth where the sun don’t shine? If not, that’s the difference.
Do you mean like pickup lines? If so, yeah, I dont think those are necessary anymore. But that said, I haven’t dated in years, so what would I know :/
I don’t see flirting as very different from making friends. The two biggest differences would be speed and boundaries.
If I’m trying to make friends, I’d be mindful to not seem too keen and obvious, which is also generally good flirting advice, but sometimes you can be extremely obvious with flirting (the “nice boots, wanna fuck?” approach). I’m sure there are situations where saying “I want to be your friend!” is a good strategy but they’re pretty damn rare (and probably involve been on mdma).
When you’re building any relationship or connection, one of the necessary steps is breaching boundaries. By sharing personal information (whether it’s hobbies, or a personal tragedy) or making jokes or teasing (if appropriate and appreciated) helps move a relationship from “stranger” to “friend”, similarly eating together, inviting someone into your home, or physical contact all represent breaking down boundaries and closer and more personal relationships.
Different social groups have different ideas about appropriate behaviour at specific levels of relationship. I have social groups where being ‘cheeky’ and even outright mean to a new person is how they show they’re one of the gang. Similarly, there groups of people who can be lifelong friends, but still wouldn’t be comfortable hugging. For many people, flirting, especially if you’re aiming for a sexual relationship, often involves more physical boundary testing than with platonic friends (letting your hands touch, flicking dust off their clothes - and just FYI, if you’re not sure what you’re doing, it’s almost always better to let the other person be the first to initiate physical contact, especially if they’re a woman). But saying that, some straight guys I’ve known are very physical with male friends both with hugs and friendly punches, so it’s not a strict line.
So you should just treat the person you’re interested in like you would any other person.
But flirting is how I treat every other person!
I didn’t flirt with my partner at all and kept my emotions in. so we didn’t get together until like 8 months of friendship. my SO had 0 idea I had any interest until we had a moment. It overwhelmed SO and led to wanting space between us for a few months. I wonder if it would have been different if I flirted some.
But your SO did like you in all that time?
Lol i just asked and got the standard “oh, I dk” in the cheekist voice possible.
My memory of the situation was no. I was hard friend zoned and my partner has always had zero interest in me physically. Before me i know there was zero interest in anyone beyond standard friendship. That dice roll i did to grab a kiss when I did change both our lives.
Cute. Thanks for sharing.
No. A well executed flirt can make someone interested when they weren’t before. You flirt with the cute girl at the party and if she’s receptive, maybe ask her out or ask to kiss. Or not. Sometimes flirting is just fun for itself.
Standing there in chaste politeness is going to create a whole different scene with different outcomes.
