I’ve spent the last year trying to make it work with one of my guys.
At first, I told him the rest of the team was having trouble connecting with him. He would wander off without telling anyone where he was going or what he was doing, which gave the impression that he wasn’t working. I explained that optics matter, because we’re all in this together. If we can’t count on each other, it makes it harder for everyone. He appreciated that conversation, but things didn’t improve.
He continued to show up late or call in sick, often on days when he knew we’d be busiest. I talked to him again about reliability—how it’s the most basic form of respect. Not just for your workplace, but for yourself. When you say you’re going to do something or be somewhere, it’s vital that your word means something. If you can’t be counted on, how can anyone rely on you?
I didn’t just tell him this. I lived it. I showed him with kindness and consistency how important those basic values are.
Last week was the busiest week our team has ever faced. It was also one of the most critical in terms of proving what we could do together. I prepped the team ahead of time and told them how proud I was to step up to the challenge with them.
On the first of the two most important days, he was late. The first 15 minutes were the most crucial of the entire day, and he missed half of them. I wasn’t angry. I handled it myself. But when he arrived, I told him how stressful that time was for me, and I reminded him again how important these two days were. He said he understood. He said he was sorry.
The next morning, I was 15 minutes into busting my ass alone. I texted him: Where are you? Nothing. Radio silence. No reply that day. Not a single call or message.
The next day, he told me he was sick and had a doctor’s note. The note was timestamped 3:45 p.m., and it said he was cleared to return to work that day.
I just stared at it for a moment. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t yell. I just said, “Okay,” and continued working. We worked in silence for most of the day.
Later, he said casually, “I heard you were upset yesterday morning.”
I replied calmly, “I was. Yes. It was stressful.”
He shrugged and said, “Sorry about that.”
I didn’t respond. I just kept working. Then, just before I left, I turned to him and said this in a calm but measured tone:
“Let me clarify something. Yesterday, I was upset because it was stressful. I’m not upset today. I’m disappointed today. I wanted to be able to say to the rest of the team that I could rely on you when it mattered most. But I can’t say that. I can’t defend you to the team when they feel like you leave them to figure it out on their own, because you left me when I told you I needed you the most. I’m not upset. I’m deeply disappointed.”
He tried to defend himself with the doctor’s note, but I raised my hand to stop him. He waited for me to say something else, but I didn’t. I let the silence speak, then walked out.
I’m sharing this because I saw this meme and it made me feel sad and reflect. I know it may be counter to the fun of the meme, but I thought the point was worth sharing.
Sometimes, jobs are crappy. Sometimes you work for people who don’t care but still expect you to. In those cases, I understand the temptation to stop caring or to burn bridges that don’t seem worth crossing.
But here’s my advice:
Respect—not because others have earned it, but because you are worth giving it to.
Hold yourself to a higher standard, not for them, but for you. Elevate yourself because it’s worth doing. Be better to yourself.
And when others who also respect themselves find you, they’ll recognize that quality in you. That’s when you find people worth teaming up with. That’s how you build something greater, something that’s not just productive, but meaningful and fun.
Whenever I have an employee that I really need to get rid of, I call them in and say… “We need to formulate an exit strategy for you”. I leave it up to them. Want to resign today or in 2 weeks. Accepting your fate gains you a good recommendation for future employment. (Hoping that they will get a job with a competitor and continue to be inept)
Do your guys benefit from all that team building? Or do they just get the same minimum wage no matter what while all the benefits of team efficiency go to the owner?
I hear you, and honestly? You’re not wrong. There are too many places where all the talk about “team” ends up being just a way to squeeze more out of people without giving anything back. That kind of exploitation deserves to be called out, and I’m with you there.
In our case, I do think our company tries to be generous in a lot of ways. But no, my team (and myself) don’t get paid more based on performance. So when I talk about respect, reliability, or rising to a challenge, I’m not saying the system rewards that. I’m saying you do.
What I wanted to share was really about a different kind of return on investment: the kind that lives inside you. Growth. Character. Reputation. Confidence. The way you carry yourself. The way people start to trust you without question. All of that sticks with you, no matter where you go or who signs your paycheck.
Being great doesn’t mean being a doormat or ignoring unfairness. It means choosing a higher standard for yourself, even when others haven’t earned it, but because you are worth that standard. This mindset has helped me build a career I’m proud of, even in imperfect systems.
Thanks for the push back. It helped me realize I needed to say this part more clearly.
If your employer is paying you the bare minimum, then you’re the sucker if you’re putting in more than the bare minimum of effort.
Sure, if you work really hard you might get some recognition in the form of a thank you and perhaps a gift worth less than $50. If you do it for long enough you might get a promotion and a pay rise - but you’ll still be earning far less than the person they hired from outside to do the same job and you’ll have worked much harder for it.
In most companies, 99% of the benefit from you working hard goes to the owners. They don’t give you any more than 1% because they don’t have to.
I really appreciate where you’re coming from, does the company respect him? It’s clear you do, but if a person’s time is not being respected through compensation then this might be an unrealistic expectation. Respect is a two way street.
You’re 100% right that respect should be a two-way street. I said “should” be. It often is not. Especially when it comes to systems like fair compensation, time, and effort. No argument there. If a company or a boss is disrespecting your time and well-being, that needs to be addressed, period.
What I was trying to explore in my story is a different layer. Something personal and internal. Though respect should be a two way street, it is still a street worth walking alone. That even in imperfect systems, even when others don’t “earn” your respect or see your effort, there’s still a kind of power in choosing to show up with integrity. Not because they deserve it, but because you do.
Choosing to be reliable, communicative, and accountable, even when others aren’t, helps shape who you are. It builds character, trustworthiness, and personal dignity. It teaches you to lead yourself. That’s the kind of respect no one can take from you, even when the outer rewards aren’t there yet.
It’s not about obedience. It’s about owning your path.
It transforms your mind and, in turn, your life. It is a path worth walking.
Thanks again for engaging with the nuance. I really value conversations like this.
What I was trying to explore in my story is a different layer. Something personal and internal. Though respect should be a two way street, it is still a street worth walking alone. That even in imperfect systems, even when others don’t “earn” your respect or see your effort, there’s still a kind of power in choosing to show up with integrity. Not because they deserve it, but because you do.
I think that’s a fine way to go through life. But to expect it of others is messed up. Some people don’t want to prioritize a job that will not prioritise them, and that’s fine. Your suggestion is just a little too close to “tread on me harder, Daddy” than a lot of people are comfortable with. And they aren’t wrong. If doing the work for yourself works for you, that is great. It will make your life easier in some ways. But it absolutely should not be expected in our society.
I want to clarify something I’ve been trying to express in this conversation.
I’m not saying anyone owes loyalty, effort, or integrity to a company that doesn’t respect them. If a workplace is unfair or exploitative, people have every right to disengage or walk away. That’s not just valid, it’s necessary.
But that’s not what I’m talking about.
What I’m talking about is you. Who you choose to be, no matter what kind of environment you’re in. Are you on time? Do you follow through on your word? Are you consistent and accountable. Even when no one’s watching?
This isn’t about your boss. This isn’t about your company. This is about whether you want to be the kind of person who can be trusted, counted on, and respected by yourself.
When you live by values like integrity, honesty, and reliability, not because anyone’s rewarding you, but because they reflect who you are, you gain something real. You grow. You get stronger. You carry that into everything else in your life, your relationships, your work, your reputation, your self-worth.
This isn’t submission. This isn’t compliance. You can absolutely reject broken systems while still choosing to live by your own standards. That’s what I mean by self-respect. That’s where the power is.
So when I told my guy, “I’m disappointed,” it wasn’t about control or discipline. It was about hope. I’ve tried to show him what it looks like to show up, not because someone’s cracking a whip, but because you want to be the kind of person who shows up.
I hold him to that standard because I see what’s possible in him and I believe in what those values can unlock for anyone.
This is not about imposing expectations. It’s an invitation. To rise. To grow. To build something in yourself that no one can take away.
And yes, I believe we need more of that in the world. Not because we’re told to, but because we choose to.
I don’t think we didn’t understand what you’re getting at. I think you’re missing my point though.
You’re describing the way you see respect and work in your value system. Totally valid.
I’m saying that to some people bringing that kind of commitment to a job that disrespects you by not compensating you adequately is disrespectful to yourself.
Are you the kind of person who goes the extra mile for people above you in a hierarchy who don’t give a shit about you? To many, answering yes to that question indicates the lack of self respect, not the presence of it.
This isn’t about pouring yourself out for an employer that doesn’t care. It’s not about “going above and beyond.” It’s not about grinding harder or giving more than you’re getting. That’s not the standard I’m talking about.
What I am talking about is the foundation. I am talking about the basic, essential qualities that every relationship (personal or professional) is built on: reliability, respect, integrity, follow-through.
If you say, “I’ll be there at 5,” then be there at 5. That has nothing to do with giving more or going the extra mile. It’s about whether people can trust your word. Whether your actions line up with what you say. Whether others (teammates, friends, partners, family) know that your word has value.
When you’ve built that foundation of trust, life’s inevitable curveballs become manageable and explainable. When you have a genuine emergency, when circumstances beyond your control interfere, people believe you. They extend grace because your track record speaks for itself. But if you’re consistently unreliable, every excuse (legitimate or not) gets met with skepticism. You’ve lost the benefit of the doubt.
The employee I mentioned wasn’t being asked to sacrifice for a system. He was being asked to keep his word. He said he would be there. He wasn’t. He has never been mistreated or underpaid. The opposite actually. He was hired with no experience into a well-paying, supportive environment. Every failure has been met with encouragement from leadership. But honestly? That’s not even the point.Because the values I’m talking about matter regardless of whether the system is fair or not.
Why? Because these values belong to you. You take them with you wherever you go. They make you stronger, clearer, more capable of building relationships that matter. They are what open doors (not just in jobs, but in life). And they’re what create the trust that protects you when things go wrong.
I’m not calling people to give more to bad systems. I’m calling people to give more to themselves. To build a foundation they can stand on so when they do need to call out injustice, advocate for change, or walk away, they do it from a place of strength, not reaction. Not out of anger, but out of clarity.
So yes, I am trying to convince people of something. Not to serve power. But to be powerful.
And the truth is, you can’t build anything strong (anywhere) if people can’t count on you. That’s not a corporate value. That’s a human one.
… Are you serious? You should respect people who don’t respect you in turn because it “builds character”?
No, that guy in your story had it right. If this is representative of the culture you work in, I’d do the absolute bare minimum too. This is such blatant ‘hard work’ propaganda it’s actually kind of nauseating. Holy shit, take a step back and realize you’re helping your team get taken advantage of, and guilt-tripping them when they don’t comply with your corporate masters. You’ve progressed way beyond drinking the kool-aid, now you’re one of the guys holding the children hostage to get their parents to drink it.
I can feel how strongly you feel about this, and I get it. A lot of people have been burned by workplaces where “teamwork” is just code for giving more while getting less. That kind of exploitation needs to be called out. People have every right to protect their time and energy in those environments. I support that fully.
But that’s not what happened here.
In this story, I wasn’t defending a corporation. I wasn’t demanding loyalty to a job. I was calling someone up to a standard I hold for myself and offer to my team, not out of obedience, but out of integrity. I’ve never talked down to this guy. I’ve treated him with patience, honesty, and consistency. I’ve modeled the values I believe in and asked him to rise, not for the company, but for his own sake. Because that’s what respect actually looks like in action.
You called me “the fucking problem,” accused me of guilt-tripping people, and painted me as some kind of corporate enforcer. That’s not just inaccurate. It’s unfair. And I’m going to push back on it.
Not out of ego. Not out of anger. But out of self-respect.
I believe we should challenge broken systems and still choose who we want to be in the middle of them. I believe in calling people higher, not because they owe it to a job, but because they owe it to themselves. And I believe that treating people with dignity, even when they lash out, is still worth doing.
So no, I’m not going to return the insult. But I am going to stand up for myself. Because this, right here, is what it looks like to respond with strength, not submission. With clarity, not cruelty.
You don’t have to agree with my take, but I hope this helps clarify it.
Yeah that’s a good way to handle that sort of thing, and you did the right thing. However, and this is just a personal thing, and may not be applicable to your situation:
I have had adhd my entire life and worked around it. It has its problems with changing activity, and many people have this symptom with it. When I got medication and the problem was mitigated, I realised that my entire life I heard and was deeply ashamed of me not respecting others because of my chronic lateness. Now that I understand I wasn’t physically able, I can see that all the pain from hearing that I’m not respectful, when I’m truly sincerely am, did not help. The issue was never respect, it was a clinical defect in my frontal lobe. In my country we have “work therapists” they’re not for work, they’re for practically finding out if you have problems with productivity (even home stuff). One of these helped me realise and I was “cured”. I really thought I just suck. And nothing I did could fix it, and I would be truthful when I told others I get it and want to improve. And I was sincere in trying everything. I empathise with that guy probably because I was like that and I know I always held my job and coworkers high in regard and did my absolute best, but it came out as being disrespectful and disingenuous. Just needed to get that off my chest, cheers!
What you shared lands really close to home for me. I’m right there with you. My ADHD is the “leave‑your‑keys‑in‑the‑fridge, miss‑the‑turn‑you‑take‑every‑day” flavor, and when you layer in a hefty dose of imposter syndrome, it can feel like the whole world sees “irresponsible” when I’m just wrestling with my own wiring.
Over the years I’ve had to build some pretty extreme guardrails to keep myself on track:
The 15‑minute rule. I aim to arrive everywhere a quarter hour early. It buys me a buffer for the inevitable “where did I put my badge?” scramble and lets me start calm.
Alarm orchestras. My phone is a symphony of labeled reminders: “Leave NOW,” “Send daily status,” “Prep tomorrow’s kit.” If it dings, I do the thing right then (no bargaining, no “I’ll remember in five”). Future‑me is not a reliable assistant.
Immediate action. If a task pops into my head and will take less than two minutes, I do it on the spot. That tiny rule has saved me from a mountain of forgotten follow‑ups.
Radical transparency. This is my most important rule for myself. I tell my team straight up: “ADHD is my software; here’s how I patch the bugs. If you spot a glitch, flag me.” People are surprisingly supportive when they understand the why so I tell everyone.
None of these tricks erase my problems, but they translate good intentions into results the team can feel. And every time a coworker says, “I know I can count on you,” even when I am too harsh in judging myself.
Your story is a powerful reminder that what looks like disrespect can be a neurological hurdle. I hope anyone reading our thread pauses before labeling someone lazy or careless. Sometimes the most respectful thing we can do for ourselves and for each other is to seek understanding, build systems that work for our brains, and keep rooting for one another’s progress.
Thanks again for sharing. You’re not alone, and the fact that you care this much tells me you’re exactly the kind of teammate people want in their corner.
I’ve spent the last year trying to make it work with one of my guys.
At first, I told him the rest of the team was having trouble connecting with him. He would wander off without telling anyone where he was going or what he was doing, which gave the impression that he wasn’t working. I explained that optics matter, because we’re all in this together. If we can’t count on each other, it makes it harder for everyone. He appreciated that conversation, but things didn’t improve.
He continued to show up late or call in sick, often on days when he knew we’d be busiest. I talked to him again about reliability—how it’s the most basic form of respect. Not just for your workplace, but for yourself. When you say you’re going to do something or be somewhere, it’s vital that your word means something. If you can’t be counted on, how can anyone rely on you?
I didn’t just tell him this. I lived it. I showed him with kindness and consistency how important those basic values are.
Last week was the busiest week our team has ever faced. It was also one of the most critical in terms of proving what we could do together. I prepped the team ahead of time and told them how proud I was to step up to the challenge with them.
On the first of the two most important days, he was late. The first 15 minutes were the most crucial of the entire day, and he missed half of them. I wasn’t angry. I handled it myself. But when he arrived, I told him how stressful that time was for me, and I reminded him again how important these two days were. He said he understood. He said he was sorry.
The next morning, I was 15 minutes into busting my ass alone. I texted him: Where are you? Nothing. Radio silence. No reply that day. Not a single call or message.
The next day, he told me he was sick and had a doctor’s note. The note was timestamped 3:45 p.m., and it said he was cleared to return to work that day.
I just stared at it for a moment. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t yell. I just said, “Okay,” and continued working. We worked in silence for most of the day.
Later, he said casually, “I heard you were upset yesterday morning.”
I replied calmly, “I was. Yes. It was stressful.”
He shrugged and said, “Sorry about that.”
I didn’t respond. I just kept working. Then, just before I left, I turned to him and said this in a calm but measured tone:
“Let me clarify something. Yesterday, I was upset because it was stressful. I’m not upset today. I’m disappointed today. I wanted to be able to say to the rest of the team that I could rely on you when it mattered most. But I can’t say that. I can’t defend you to the team when they feel like you leave them to figure it out on their own, because you left me when I told you I needed you the most. I’m not upset. I’m deeply disappointed.”
He tried to defend himself with the doctor’s note, but I raised my hand to stop him. He waited for me to say something else, but I didn’t. I let the silence speak, then walked out.
I’m sharing this because I saw this meme and it made me feel sad and reflect. I know it may be counter to the fun of the meme, but I thought the point was worth sharing.
Sometimes, jobs are crappy. Sometimes you work for people who don’t care but still expect you to. In those cases, I understand the temptation to stop caring or to burn bridges that don’t seem worth crossing.
But here’s my advice:
Respect—not because others have earned it, but because you are worth giving it to.
Hold yourself to a higher standard, not for them, but for you. Elevate yourself because it’s worth doing. Be better to yourself.
And when others who also respect themselves find you, they’ll recognize that quality in you. That’s when you find people worth teaming up with. That’s how you build something greater, something that’s not just productive, but meaningful and fun.
Whenever I have an employee that I really need to get rid of, I call them in and say… “We need to formulate an exit strategy for you”. I leave it up to them. Want to resign today or in 2 weeks. Accepting your fate gains you a good recommendation for future employment. (Hoping that they will get a job with a competitor and continue to be inept)
Do your guys benefit from all that team building? Or do they just get the same minimum wage no matter what while all the benefits of team efficiency go to the owner?
I hear you, and honestly? You’re not wrong. There are too many places where all the talk about “team” ends up being just a way to squeeze more out of people without giving anything back. That kind of exploitation deserves to be called out, and I’m with you there.
In our case, I do think our company tries to be generous in a lot of ways. But no, my team (and myself) don’t get paid more based on performance. So when I talk about respect, reliability, or rising to a challenge, I’m not saying the system rewards that. I’m saying you do.
What I wanted to share was really about a different kind of return on investment: the kind that lives inside you. Growth. Character. Reputation. Confidence. The way you carry yourself. The way people start to trust you without question. All of that sticks with you, no matter where you go or who signs your paycheck.
Being great doesn’t mean being a doormat or ignoring unfairness. It means choosing a higher standard for yourself, even when others haven’t earned it, but because you are worth that standard. This mindset has helped me build a career I’m proud of, even in imperfect systems.
Thanks for the push back. It helped me realize I needed to say this part more clearly.
Lol. “Being exploited builds character”
If your employer is paying you the bare minimum, then you’re the sucker if you’re putting in more than the bare minimum of effort.
Sure, if you work really hard you might get some recognition in the form of a thank you and perhaps a gift worth less than $50. If you do it for long enough you might get a promotion and a pay rise - but you’ll still be earning far less than the person they hired from outside to do the same job and you’ll have worked much harder for it.
In most companies, 99% of the benefit from you working hard goes to the owners. They don’t give you any more than 1% because they don’t have to.
I really appreciate where you’re coming from, does the company respect him? It’s clear you do, but if a person’s time is not being respected through compensation then this might be an unrealistic expectation. Respect is a two way street.
You’re 100% right that respect should be a two-way street. I said “should” be. It often is not. Especially when it comes to systems like fair compensation, time, and effort. No argument there. If a company or a boss is disrespecting your time and well-being, that needs to be addressed, period.
What I was trying to explore in my story is a different layer. Something personal and internal. Though respect should be a two way street, it is still a street worth walking alone. That even in imperfect systems, even when others don’t “earn” your respect or see your effort, there’s still a kind of power in choosing to show up with integrity. Not because they deserve it, but because you do.
Choosing to be reliable, communicative, and accountable, even when others aren’t, helps shape who you are. It builds character, trustworthiness, and personal dignity. It teaches you to lead yourself. That’s the kind of respect no one can take from you, even when the outer rewards aren’t there yet.
It’s not about obedience. It’s about owning your path.
It transforms your mind and, in turn, your life. It is a path worth walking.
Thanks again for engaging with the nuance. I really value conversations like this.
I think that’s a fine way to go through life. But to expect it of others is messed up. Some people don’t want to prioritize a job that will not prioritise them, and that’s fine. Your suggestion is just a little too close to “tread on me harder, Daddy” than a lot of people are comfortable with. And they aren’t wrong. If doing the work for yourself works for you, that is great. It will make your life easier in some ways. But it absolutely should not be expected in our society.
I want to clarify something I’ve been trying to express in this conversation.
I’m not saying anyone owes loyalty, effort, or integrity to a company that doesn’t respect them. If a workplace is unfair or exploitative, people have every right to disengage or walk away. That’s not just valid, it’s necessary.
But that’s not what I’m talking about.
What I’m talking about is you. Who you choose to be, no matter what kind of environment you’re in. Are you on time? Do you follow through on your word? Are you consistent and accountable. Even when no one’s watching?
This isn’t about your boss. This isn’t about your company. This is about whether you want to be the kind of person who can be trusted, counted on, and respected by yourself.
When you live by values like integrity, honesty, and reliability, not because anyone’s rewarding you, but because they reflect who you are, you gain something real. You grow. You get stronger. You carry that into everything else in your life, your relationships, your work, your reputation, your self-worth.
This isn’t submission. This isn’t compliance. You can absolutely reject broken systems while still choosing to live by your own standards. That’s what I mean by self-respect. That’s where the power is.
So when I told my guy, “I’m disappointed,” it wasn’t about control or discipline. It was about hope. I’ve tried to show him what it looks like to show up, not because someone’s cracking a whip, but because you want to be the kind of person who shows up.
I hold him to that standard because I see what’s possible in him and I believe in what those values can unlock for anyone.
This is not about imposing expectations. It’s an invitation. To rise. To grow. To build something in yourself that no one can take away.
And yes, I believe we need more of that in the world. Not because we’re told to, but because we choose to.
I don’t think we didn’t understand what you’re getting at. I think you’re missing my point though.
You’re describing the way you see respect and work in your value system. Totally valid.
I’m saying that to some people bringing that kind of commitment to a job that disrespects you by not compensating you adequately is disrespectful to yourself.
Are you the kind of person who goes the extra mile for people above you in a hierarchy who don’t give a shit about you? To many, answering yes to that question indicates the lack of self respect, not the presence of it.
This isn’t about pouring yourself out for an employer that doesn’t care. It’s not about “going above and beyond.” It’s not about grinding harder or giving more than you’re getting. That’s not the standard I’m talking about.
What I am talking about is the foundation. I am talking about the basic, essential qualities that every relationship (personal or professional) is built on: reliability, respect, integrity, follow-through.
If you say, “I’ll be there at 5,” then be there at 5. That has nothing to do with giving more or going the extra mile. It’s about whether people can trust your word. Whether your actions line up with what you say. Whether others (teammates, friends, partners, family) know that your word has value.
When you’ve built that foundation of trust, life’s inevitable curveballs become manageable and explainable. When you have a genuine emergency, when circumstances beyond your control interfere, people believe you. They extend grace because your track record speaks for itself. But if you’re consistently unreliable, every excuse (legitimate or not) gets met with skepticism. You’ve lost the benefit of the doubt.
The employee I mentioned wasn’t being asked to sacrifice for a system. He was being asked to keep his word. He said he would be there. He wasn’t. He has never been mistreated or underpaid. The opposite actually. He was hired with no experience into a well-paying, supportive environment. Every failure has been met with encouragement from leadership. But honestly? That’s not even the point. Because the values I’m talking about matter regardless of whether the system is fair or not.
Why? Because these values belong to you. You take them with you wherever you go. They make you stronger, clearer, more capable of building relationships that matter. They are what open doors (not just in jobs, but in life). And they’re what create the trust that protects you when things go wrong.
I’m not calling people to give more to bad systems. I’m calling people to give more to themselves. To build a foundation they can stand on so when they do need to call out injustice, advocate for change, or walk away, they do it from a place of strength, not reaction. Not out of anger, but out of clarity.
So yes, I am trying to convince people of something. Not to serve power. But to be powerful.
And the truth is, you can’t build anything strong (anywhere) if people can’t count on you. That’s not a corporate value. That’s a human one.
death takes everything away, everything can be taken away, no such thing as building something that cant be taken away
… Are you serious? You should respect people who don’t respect you in turn because it “builds character”?
No, that guy in your story had it right. If this is representative of the culture you work in, I’d do the absolute bare minimum too. This is such blatant ‘hard work’ propaganda it’s actually kind of nauseating. Holy shit, take a step back and realize you’re helping your team get taken advantage of, and guilt-tripping them when they don’t comply with your corporate masters. You’ve progressed way beyond drinking the kool-aid, now you’re one of the guys holding the children hostage to get their parents to drink it.
Fuck’s sake, you’re the problem in that story.
I can feel how strongly you feel about this, and I get it. A lot of people have been burned by workplaces where “teamwork” is just code for giving more while getting less. That kind of exploitation needs to be called out. People have every right to protect their time and energy in those environments. I support that fully.
But that’s not what happened here.
In this story, I wasn’t defending a corporation. I wasn’t demanding loyalty to a job. I was calling someone up to a standard I hold for myself and offer to my team, not out of obedience, but out of integrity. I’ve never talked down to this guy. I’ve treated him with patience, honesty, and consistency. I’ve modeled the values I believe in and asked him to rise, not for the company, but for his own sake. Because that’s what respect actually looks like in action.
You called me “the fucking problem,” accused me of guilt-tripping people, and painted me as some kind of corporate enforcer. That’s not just inaccurate. It’s unfair. And I’m going to push back on it.
Not out of ego. Not out of anger. But out of self-respect.
I believe we should challenge broken systems and still choose who we want to be in the middle of them. I believe in calling people higher, not because they owe it to a job, but because they owe it to themselves. And I believe that treating people with dignity, even when they lash out, is still worth doing.
So no, I’m not going to return the insult. But I am going to stand up for myself. Because this, right here, is what it looks like to respond with strength, not submission. With clarity, not cruelty.
You don’t have to agree with my take, but I hope this helps clarify it.
Yeah that’s a good way to handle that sort of thing, and you did the right thing. However, and this is just a personal thing, and may not be applicable to your situation:
I have had adhd my entire life and worked around it. It has its problems with changing activity, and many people have this symptom with it. When I got medication and the problem was mitigated, I realised that my entire life I heard and was deeply ashamed of me not respecting others because of my chronic lateness. Now that I understand I wasn’t physically able, I can see that all the pain from hearing that I’m not respectful, when I’m truly sincerely am, did not help. The issue was never respect, it was a clinical defect in my frontal lobe. In my country we have “work therapists” they’re not for work, they’re for practically finding out if you have problems with productivity (even home stuff). One of these helped me realise and I was “cured”. I really thought I just suck. And nothing I did could fix it, and I would be truthful when I told others I get it and want to improve. And I was sincere in trying everything. I empathise with that guy probably because I was like that and I know I always held my job and coworkers high in regard and did my absolute best, but it came out as being disrespectful and disingenuous. Just needed to get that off my chest, cheers!
What you shared lands really close to home for me. I’m right there with you. My ADHD is the “leave‑your‑keys‑in‑the‑fridge, miss‑the‑turn‑you‑take‑every‑day” flavor, and when you layer in a hefty dose of imposter syndrome, it can feel like the whole world sees “irresponsible” when I’m just wrestling with my own wiring.
Over the years I’ve had to build some pretty extreme guardrails to keep myself on track:
The 15‑minute rule. I aim to arrive everywhere a quarter hour early. It buys me a buffer for the inevitable “where did I put my badge?” scramble and lets me start calm.
Alarm orchestras. My phone is a symphony of labeled reminders: “Leave NOW,” “Send daily status,” “Prep tomorrow’s kit.” If it dings, I do the thing right then (no bargaining, no “I’ll remember in five”). Future‑me is not a reliable assistant.
Immediate action. If a task pops into my head and will take less than two minutes, I do it on the spot. That tiny rule has saved me from a mountain of forgotten follow‑ups.
Radical transparency. This is my most important rule for myself. I tell my team straight up: “ADHD is my software; here’s how I patch the bugs. If you spot a glitch, flag me.” People are surprisingly supportive when they understand the why so I tell everyone.
None of these tricks erase my problems, but they translate good intentions into results the team can feel. And every time a coworker says, “I know I can count on you,” even when I am too harsh in judging myself.
Your story is a powerful reminder that what looks like disrespect can be a neurological hurdle. I hope anyone reading our thread pauses before labeling someone lazy or careless. Sometimes the most respectful thing we can do for ourselves and for each other is to seek understanding, build systems that work for our brains, and keep rooting for one another’s progress.
Thanks again for sharing. You’re not alone, and the fact that you care this much tells me you’re exactly the kind of teammate people want in their corner.