like being told to “move my fat ass” or just plain annoying and then telling me they were joking.
It’s called bullying.
They’re bullying you.
Schrödinger’s asshole. It’s testing boundaries. If you say something, they’ll claim it was just a joke. If you don’t they’ll keep going and likely get worse.
Ugh, I have a friend whose humour often involves mean-spirited jibes and put-downs. I was in a low mood one day and told him I didn’t like the tone of his “jokes”, that they sometimes stung. He really dialled back after that.
I think that some people are just assholes. And other people are too sensitive.
Sometimes its a bit of both. Sometimes its one or the other.
I enjoy mercilessly shit talking people who mercilessly shit talk me back. But I have the social awareness to recognize when this isn’t appropriate, and to treat people the way they want to be treated, not how I want to be treated.
The difference between a joke and bullying is entirely down to the victim. They are allowed to be as sensitive as they want. “Its just a joke” tries to turn it back on them. The only reasonable response is along the lines of "I intended it as a joke, but obviously screwed up. I’m sorry. "
The only grey area are those who are happy to dish it out, but not receive. You should expect people to wind you up to the same level you wind them/others to.
“It’s just a joke” is perfectly valid, dammit. Once. After that, do not repeat it - you already know the person you aim it at doesn’t enjoy it.
