Say if someone came up to you and asked “If you were a boy/girl what would your name be?” could you answer them without needing think or is that not something most people give a thought to?
Hi. Trans person here.
This is how The Big Questions start. Good luck.
If you’re thinking about what your life would be as the opposite gender, then you’re already thought about gender more than most. Doesn’t necessarily mean you’re any flavor of trans, but generally this isn’t something cis folk think about.
No one can tell you who you are, especially an internet stranger. But if OP or anyone else has an answer to what name you would’ve had as the other sex, than this link is massively helpful in sorting through these thoughts.
Very interesting read even as a cis person. I don’t understand how anyone can read this and then believe any of the propaganda about trans people.
I have an agendered one but I’m also legit considering changing it.
Reading this made me think of such a gender-neutral name and honesty I’m digging it. Close to my real name, works in multiple languages.
Good luck with your transition!!!
No.
No.
Oh.
Ok.
I knew the name I would have gotten if had been born a girl for multiple years before I came out as trans and now that is my real name.
Same here!
So your parents chose your trans name? That’s awesome!
Kind of yeah 😊
but are your parents now transparent?
Can’t say I’ve ever thought about it as a cis male. It’s pretty easy to come up with the best sounding derivative though. If you feel that this may be an important choice for you it may benefit you to explore further and perhaps talk to a therapist who has helped others with dysphoria.
It may also help to add that I’ve gone through phases of not liking my name. It’s not a “normal” name and people very often mishear it as something else. Through this I’ve only ever considered other cis male centric names, also derivatives of my actual name.
My name is not gendered, so I’m good to go.
I’m not really sure how that works as a trans person lol
As a cis female I never considered going for a traditionally male name. I do however have a gender neutral name I go by in certain circles. I also used to have a gender neutral account for online gaming.
I’m gonna go with no.
Nope, I don’t have one.
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I’m trans so I would have to decline answering, as any other name than my current one would just be asked and used in attempts to hurt me. But I do know exactly what names I would have
Same, but I was thinking that no way I’d go back to the old one. But my current name doesn’t have an obvious gender flip, so I’d have to come up with an entirely new name again.
Totally fair. I also have a gender neutral name these days, but since my parents thought names for both a girl and a boy before I was born I’d consider those my woman/man -names. But yeah the reality of being trans is that you can’t ever tell any other names, unless you’re lying for safety. It’s always weaponized
Can you expand on that? Not asking for more personal Info than you want to share but how do people weaponize that? How shitty our our fellow human beings?
I feel a bit out of the loop standing here on my white CIS (is that even the right term?) privilege thinking people are getting better over time because I wouldn’t experience or even notice such things
It’s basically because the name you used to have doesn’t really matter, it tells nothing about who you are. Some ask it out of curiosity, which is invasive even if it’s innocent (often that name reminds you about things you’d rather not remember), but some ask it just so they can use it to misgender you, and you can basically never know for sure is it malicious or not. Even people you thought were your friends might use the name later to hurt you if they get angry or some shit. So the best course of action is to never reveal your deadname to new people you meet. It’s gone, it’s past, it doesn’t matter and nobody should care.
Even if you are cis-passing (nobody can tell you’re trans just by looking), being trans means you have to either hide parts of you, or you are kind of fighting a constant battle of people reacting to you being trans. Even if you’re in a position good enough for it to not be that malicious, it will wear you down eventually. You might think you’re strong enough, that you can casually talk about your past and the name you had, you can take it! You’re not a victim! And sure, maybe you can keep that up for couple years if you’re lucky, but it gets old fast, and it will wear you down. Telling your deadname is just giving more free ammo to people who are more likely to shoot at you than you’d like
Ok thanks. I think I mainly misunderstood the premise
Yeah, it’s not really complicated. The worst version is if someone tells your deadname to others to out you as trans, which makes it impossible for you to control the information. And if you’re known there’s always the risk of physical violence, especially if you’re transwoman and living in less liberal places
I can’t pretend to know such fear but it’s horrifying there are people like that
I’d have no idea. Yeah, there’s a feminine name I could extract from my current name, but my first impression is that I wouldn’t want that. I have no idea.
Good luck with your journey!
Probably Rachel
