“So just do it” is a glaring one for me.
Simply because it is disregarding someone else’s thought processes and how their mind works. Where simply ‘just do it’ is not as easily and readily accomplished. This kind of advice is always uttered when one person is going on about how they’re tired of something and want to do something else. So this gets mentioned.
It could be a lot of reasons as to why, even if it is down to the obvious reasons. My valid reason a lot of the time is that I just don’t have the energy or will to just magically get myself to do something.
My math teacher, when I said I did not know how to do the home work: “Well, just do more math!”
How do you expect me to do more math, when I do not know how?
On hindsight, he was right… I should have re-done quite a bit of the math courses, properly, so that I would have had the basis to advance. At that moment, he did not have the time to help me, since he knew I had been left too far behind to quickly catch up. It just felt so stupid to teen age me. I ended up dropping out of the higher math courses and just did the basic ones. Ended up with great scores for the basic maths, with a far better mental health. I had been strugling with math for so long.
“Trust your gut” sorry but our gut means our monkey brain. If logic is an option, trust logic. Trust your gut only applies if:
- You are talking about fast situations where all you can do is react as fast as possible
- You are really stupid and your gut out smarts you
- You are extremely biased and so your logoc is flawed
- You are talking about food
“Calm down” when I am in rage. Works 100% of never.
For me as someone with ADHD and Autism i could list so many. But the most useless defenetly are:
“Just use a planner”
“You can learn to reign it in, others have learned to do so too!”
“Dont throw such a fit over something that small! I only changed your routine/moved around your entire order”
“You just need to focus more!”
“Pull yourself up by the bootstraps!”
My old boss used to say: “there is never a good time. Do it anyway”
This was often about taking your holidays, visiting your parents, testing a theory, building a PoC, etc. Analysis paralysis kills success.
this is amazing advice, your old boss was right
I love this advice, and I like to combine it with one other
“Take one more step”
It’s similar to “give 110%” but I don’t want you to burn out. Give me 80%, and then give me just one more step. Expand your capabilities in a comfortable range.
For this particular scenario: take it one more step and help them make the decision. I’m not gonna influence your decision, if I can avoid it. But I’ll be your rubber ducky and I’ll let you know when you need to pause for a second and gather your thoughts to find the solution.
“Choose to be happy” This is advice I’ve heard from people on Reddit who have overcome their depression and say it’s a choice. No, Happy, it is not.
There’s a major push coming to ban depression meds. I had long, drawn-out conversations with people who genuinely think exercise will fix things.
Yeah, for people without clinical depression, maybe.
Maybe a bit of a stretch, but I try my best to interpret things in the best possible way (sometimes to the point of naivety). In a way, I think of it as “choosing to be happy”, in the sense that if someone says or does something that could upset me, I try to look for a way to interpret their actions as something that doesn’t upset me.
Of course, this doesn’t always apply, but I’ve experienced that it makes life a lot better. A lot of unpleasant things can be attributed to mistakes or misunderstandings, which are a lot easier to not get upset about than people being intentionally mean.
The only actual advice I can think of that relates is refusing to be involved with people who make you unhappy (which I realize so much of requires choice and resources to island yourself off in this way).
Its still something to keep in mind, if you can insulate yourself from people you’ve noticr make you unhappy and overstimulated, that is a very different state of being even saying nothing about whatever “happiness” is. I think you can still like or love someone who you also cannot emotionally and ohysically tolerate being around, but sooner or later you have to listen to what your being tries to tell you or somatically express
If I had to choose between happiness or freedom from pain, I would choose the latter every time. Happiness can be stumbled upon or negotiated or gradually arriver at, pain needs to be alleviated or it cancels out everything else
“I was lucky and my brain chemistry corrected itself, so all you need to do is stop being unlucky and be lucky like me!”
While we’re at it, if you can’t reach the top shelf, just grow taller. That’s what I did.
I try really hard to not downplay the environmental effects that played into my depression journey when I give advice for this exact reason. You’re right, it’s not easy to fundamentally change the way you think to such a degree that your hormones change. It’s possible though. But it’s probably gonna need a disruption in your environment that you may or may not be able to facilitate. I got lucky, and my disruption happened to me so my journey was helped a lot
I loved the thanksimcured subreddit because they just mock this kind of thing.
Depression is a recurring thing, it comes back at anytime and it will level you when it does. What people who ever claim to have “defeated” depression or “overcome it” are simply confusing depression with general sadness. General sadness can easily be overcome because it isn’t as much of a weight on you as depression is.
But then you say something like that and some asshole comes right up to you saying shit like “now you’re just gatekeeping what a mental illness is!”.
Fucking Reddit dumbasses are a piece of work.
Well, no, there are clinical forms of depression, which are reoccurring forms, and then there’s bouts of depression, which generally are caused by a specific event or change. Those types usually have fixes, but they’re worse than “general sadness”.
“Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.”
That “reason” could be shitty decisions, power beyond your control, or sheer bad luck. But we all know it’s just thinly-veiled religious indoctrination.
The one that’s even worse is “God never gives you more than you can handle.” Tell that to a bajillion dead people.
It also tries to remove accountability from people who really do not care to pay attention to what they’re doing. They’ll be in shit and they’ll think “ahh this is what God might have had planned for me” and instead of trying to fight to survive, they just succumb to it with that belief.
Religion is just bad to believe in.
“You just have to be persistent”
That can be true but no amount of persistence is going to make Timothee Chalamet be interested in me as Im closer to his dad’s age and he’s not gay.
IDK, I think “just do it” is actually pretty reasonable advice, for the most part.
Obviously, it depends — everything depends — but I feel like it applies to many aspects of life.
Sometimes you’re scared or anxious about something needlessly, and it really is best to just go for it and figure it out later, no matter how much your brain tells you it’s terrible and not worth it.
As someone who struggles with anxiety paralysis on certain tasks, “just do it” is extremely helpful.
THANK YOU!!! I replied to someone that replied to my comment trying to explain exactly that…
it’s good advice, until someone’s asking “how?” then saying “you just do it” becomes useless as tits on a tomcat. cause I DON"T FUCKIGN KNOW WHAT “IT” YOU"RE REFERRING TO! THAT"S WHY I ASKED
Hahaha~
It has a wide breadth of applications, but it is indeed relatively shallow when it comes to guidance… It’s best used when the advisee already has some idea of what to do and is struggling with something else.
All advice is good advice in a certain situation. “Trust your gut”/“be skeptical”, “be careful”/“go for it!” all of these can be good or terrible advice for different people at different times.
The problem with “just do it” is it’s often literally the first thing that everyone tries. If I want to do my homework or cook a healthy meal, it’d be pretty weird if I started off by trying to not do it. So, often when it’s given as advice it feels very insulting, because it feels like your being literally told “have you considered doing the thing your trying to do?”
It can be shorthand for much better advice - “don’t think about the consequences or costs, just focus on this moment and the first step you need to take” or whatever, but when delivered to someone who is literally struggling to do something it often adds nothing. “be careful” is good advice if someone’s carelessly approaching a dangerous, delicate task, but is shitty, vacuous advice if someone is already being very careful. So telling someone to “just do it” suggests you think that they weren’t previously attempting to do it, and that can give offense.
I mean, sure, but isn’t that literally everything? Hugging someone is nice unless they don’t want to hug. Telling someone “don’t think about the consequences or costs, just focus on this moment and the first step you need to take” is good advice unless they need to focus on the consequences or costs, or they aren’t taking the first step, or… or… or… ad eternum.
If your argument is that “just do it” is bad advice, then I flatly disagree. However, that doesn’t seem to be the case; rather, it seems you’re saying that “just do it” is advice that should be administered carefully and properly. While a fair assessment, that is also completely counter-productive as a point of discussion because I already said “just do it”'s efficacy is dependent on circumstance while describing a specific situation wherein it could be rightfully applied!!! DAMN IT!!
Well, one thing actually:
The problem with “just do it” is it’s often literally the first thing that everyone tries.
Is it? It very much isn’t for me, for example. I usually think about what I’m going to do before I do it — I think a lot… —, and it’s not uncommon that I get in my head about this and that, when I should just do it. For people like me, and I know I’m not alone in this, “just do it” is a great piece of advice that I should listen to way more than I usually do. No, it’s not perfect; Yes, it can fall flat. Still, it’s useful.
it’d be pretty weird if I started off by trying to not do it.
Yes, but would it be that weird to be stuck in a loop of self-doubt while wanting to do it, which keeps you from actually doing it?
In the spirit of “just do it,” and at risk to my goal of being a positive presence online, I’d like to point out that you used “your” several times when you should’ve used “you’re.” Now, I know you probably don’t care and are thinking that it’s a little rude that I’m pointing it out, but just in case you do care, I’d forward you here: https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/your-vs-youre-how-to-use-them-correctly
I mean no offense. I’m not perfect and I like when people point out the small things I could improve so… There.
Yeah this thread just feels like an axe grinding session where people are taking a situation where someone gave them advice that maybe wasn’t applicable or good in that context and now they think it’s just useless at all times. That’s fine I get it vent away, but yeah lol
I remember my friend being really upset that her long term relationship failed with her partner leaving for another woman. I remember trying to empathise saying something along the lines of, “You can’t ever really trust anyone no matter how long you know them.”
I still kinda believe that however it was 100% the wrong thing to say in terms of being reassuring since it implied they’d been naive which was not the case. Their ex had all the responsibility for their relationship ending.
“Be yourself.” Motherfucker, who else would I be?!
I hate that advice. It would literally ruin my livelihood as an identity thief.
bonus points when “being yourself” is what got you into a mess to begin with. I was myself in school and bullied endlessly into suicide
What “Be yourself” means is: “Don’t pretend to be someone else because you think that will make you more appealing. It will likely show through that you’re not that other person and your attempts at deception will drive away the people you want to attract. Further, if you find that being your authentic self is something you are ashamed or embarrassed being, perform some introspection on what those things are about yourself you don’t like and take action to change on things you can. Examine rationally whether the thing you think is shameful is something you even have control over. For example, are you ashamed because you’re not tall? You have no control over that one. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Are you ashamed because you don’t have good hygiene? That one you DO have control over. If you don’t know how to correct that, ask for help and get to the place where you won’t be ashamed of your hygiene. You will ‘be yourself’ that is not as tall as you like, but with good hygiene.”
That’s a lot to say so it gets boiled down to “Be yourself”.
Came here to say that.
“It is what it is”
I respectfully disagree. there are things out of your control you must accept. if you do not, it will only stress your mind and body out.
focus on the things that you can, like keeping your family intact and having a good support group. good luck!
That’s not advice.
I find that people often say this when what “it is” is something too ugly to name. “It is what it is” is true, but sometimes what “it is” is that the speaker is a racist defending another racist
“Just be yourself” without clarification.
There’s something to it, but too often it is interpreted as “no need for introspection or improvement”
Don’t get mad! It doesn’t help anything.
“You got this!” What kind of magic spell do you think that fucking phrase is?? That is one of the stupidest, low self esteem phrases in the last 50 years.
