She was a lot better before. She ended up with a ruptured disc in her lumbar in like 91 or something and the only treatment back then was a discoctomy, which is a brutal surgery that usually leads to a cascade of disc herniation and rupturing. She ended up having 11 surgery’s over the next 25 years and during that time became very addicted to her pain killers. Then, in 09 she got breast cancer which has been pretty hard on her body, and has left her with literal brain damage today. She always had toxic traits, but her sickness has made it so much worse over the last 15 years in particular.

To boot, we were fundie Christians and I had no idea I was queer, I only knew I never fit in and couldn’t figure out why. I was so isolated i never had anyone that could model what it might be like to be queer or to understand myself. Add in some mild bipolar, ADHD, and a touch of autism and it’s a recipe for failure to self identify. It wasn’t until my 30’s that I started putting the pieces together that maybe I’m not a boy and oh I actually like boys too.

Most of my misery and trauma growing up was more religious than anything.