That’s the best way I can describe it. Just neverending. Which sounds obvious but the actual experience of always having to parent, phew…
I’m not having the best day today. He’s on summer break and hanging with me all day. We did okay yesterday but today it was just a domino of me feeling disappointed in myself that the house is always a mess and probably a level beyond that, like there’s too much stuff to fit. But my own level of non-cleanliness has rubbed off on my kid cause there’s no proper place to put his stuff. So I started cleaning then asked him to do some small tasks but I was feeling resentful for how he seems to just drop things wherever. I get it, you also got to teach them how to clean up and implement chores etc. and thus adds to the relentless grind of having to have these long term parenting plans but also try to be present in the moment and enjoy things and somehow have endless stores of patience. Today I definitely haven’t. I’ve lost my shit and yelled and just let things domino out of control into a terrible grouchiness. I know some days suck and we get up and try again. Just wanted to get it out I guess. No advice needed. Just ranting to rant.
Bruh, my mom actively made sure I was home, but wouldn’t play with me. She and her subhuman husband at the time drank and smoked cigarettes in the house while listening to music and I was expected to play with my toys alone. The only time I got to hang out with my friends was during rigid playdates and before they got home. And that was only because they were absent.
But with my kid, she’ll play pretend endlessly. However, I won’t allow her to be alone with my son because of the subtle propaganda I remember as a kid. “you wouldnt want someone to make a living without doing anything for it, would you?” This is why Grammy isn’t allowed around my child by herself. I honestly wish she would die already so I don’t have to explain these complex things with him.