That’s right, folks! It’s The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073! The modern age-indifferent fuck-your-sanity toy sensation that’s sweeping the barest vestiges of what could possibly still be called a “nation”!
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Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073.
Caution: The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 on concrete.
Discontinue use of The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 if any of the following occurs:
itching
vertigo
dizziness
tingling in extremities
loss of balance coordination
slurred speech temporary blindness
profuse sweating or heart palpitations.
If The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073.
The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 comes with a lifetime warranty.
The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073! Accept no substitutes!
That’s right, folks! It’s The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073! The modern age-indifferent fuck-your-sanity toy sensation that’s sweeping the barest vestiges of what could possibly still be called a “nation”! Only $149,500.99 at every window to reality you can find! Get yours today!
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073. Caution: The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073 may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
The New & Improved All-Natural, Humanely-Sourced, Custom-Fit Anxiety Disorder X-2073! Accept no substitutes!