• jjjalljs@ttrpg.network
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      1 day ago

      A couple times I asked people directly if that opener worked for them.

      One of them said, “I used to write more thoughtful first messages, but I didn’t get good results so I don’t bother anymore.” I told her that writing a bad opener is likely turning away whole classes of people, likely the more thoughtful and interesting ones, but she didn’t care. I said we weren’t a good match and moved on.

      Another one said, “But you responded so it worked!”. Her profile was also largely blank. I said yeah, but it didn’t make me want to date you. It was a bad first impression that made me think you’re a half-asser. Rude, I know. The conversation ended shortly after.

      I think communication is a skill that requires practice and feedback. Writing messages on dating apps is a more specialized form of that skill. I have years of practice now (sad, but here we are). A 30 year old woman downloading bumble for the first time, asked to write first messages? That’s kind of like putting someone on the baseball field who’s never played before. They probably know most of the rules intellectually, and in other parts of life they’ve done all the little pieces like throwing, running, and catching, but doing it all together at the right time? Not likely to go well at first.

    • polle@feddit.org
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      2 days ago

      If that happend, it triggered me so hard. Its like the insanest thing ever. Why are you even on bumble then.

      • Madison420@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        Why are you expecting conversations to be otherworldly?

        How many conversations in real life with people you like start with something akin to “hey”? I’m gunna bet most but I suppose I could be wrong.

        • jjjalljs@ttrpg.network
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          24 hours ago

          There is a whole universe of possibilities between “hey” and a conversation so good it is otherworldly.

          Most of these apps, the user has a profile. If they’re not fucking it up, the profile has topics to talk about.

          “Hey! Your profile says you love the mets. Do you go to a lot of games? I used to go with my pop, but he just watches the game on TV now” isn’t stellar but it’s significantly better.

          If the other person responds with “Nah [end of communication]” then they’re doing a bad job. I’d see that all the time and it drove me crazy.

          • Madison420@lemmy.world
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            15 hours ago

            You both seem to ignore the fact that conversation is two way and that conversations from nothing ie. Small talk is extremely off-putting.

            • jjjalljs@ttrpg.network
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              15 hours ago

              How am I ignoring that conversation is two way? I specifically mentioned it’s a bad job when one person engages and the other half-asses it with one word responses.

              I don’t see what small talk being off-putting has to do with anything. I don’t know if I even consider talking about your interests small talk, but okay. How else do you expect it to work?

        • VitoRobles@lemmy.today
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          2 days ago

          From what I saw, it wasn’t just “hey”. Hey was the yellow flag.

          It was all the one word responses. To everything. It was the job of the guy to be entertaining on the app to barely any response.

          That takes its toll on men, especially when there were women who used it as a source of free entertainment.

        • polle@feddit.org
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          2 days ago

          I would expect something else then one word if you select the Dating platform where the big difference is that you have to write first as a women. It seems odd to me.

          But probably tinder or the other dating platforms are just (as) shitty and it didn’t have any deeper thought about joining bumble.

    • benignintervention@lemmy.world
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      3 days ago

      In my experience the bot and scam scripts have become refined enough to seem exactly like a pretty disengaged or disenchanted user, or someone not confident in what they’re doing. It’s led to some awkward moments when I suddenly send “BOT CHECK”