No, it’s not a success for the abused, that’s for sure. For the abuser though, they often feed on their victim in a way. The abuser generally uses their victim to regulate their own emotions. So for the abuser, it’s a success, even though everyone else loses.
That’s what I was trying to get at with saying I’m not referring to manipulative jerks - the kind you find on r/niceguys. Because they aren’t nice. Yeah, that’s not how life works. And that’s fucked up, which is my point, and goes to show that yes, nice guys often do finish last, even though that statement has been given a bad reputation by places like r/niceguys. Being nice, carrying and loving is an inherently good quality, that we want to see in people. So when it gives you a disadvantage while dating, giving the advantage to the abusive asshole, then you start wondering what the hell is wrong with the world (among many other things). I try to be my best self - regardless of the whole dating thing - because I find it important to be someone with a strong moral compass, who cares for people. We already have enough selfish assholes on this planet and I refuse to be one, even if that does negatively affect other parts of my life. But man, does it get frustrating. And how does that mean “I’m doing it wrong”? I’ve lived abuse. I know how horrific it is. Why would it not be being my best self to help other abuse victims get out of their abusive situations and help them improve their lives when I can?
Well yeah, no shit, Sherlock. Abuse causes mental health problems. How is this news?