I feel that overthinking due to anxiety is like running on a treadmill. You expend a ton of energy but you’ve not actually moved forward. Better to apply that energy to preventative measures or solutions. And if it is outside of your control? Well then just like the weather, you need to accept it.
I immediately angrility opened the comments to respond. I think it’s just a side effect of working in this field. I have to be completely literal to the computer so in communication I prefer the same style. I will argue with people on the use of ambiguous language. More so if they are analysts. I can understand the business doesn’t always fully grasp the concept but if you give me a functional analysis it best be 100% clear. And yes, I’ve been tested for autism, it certainly flagged up as a possible trait, but it’s hard to know if this hasn’t just become an ingrained preference. Sure does help me when communicating with neurodivergent people, and I’ve heard from several neurotypical people as well that they actually appreciate the clarity!
2 mandatory office days even for consultants. If you want to be at the office, fine. But don’t make everyone be because of some so-called fairness. Catering to some imaginary average person isn’t fair, it’s hurting everyone a little or a lot. Alas since I’m working via an agency, I got to follow client directives. Luckily I have good rapport with both my agency and my project team lead so I can kinda toe the line.
Also the inability or rather unwillingness of my fellow devs to follow protocol. Ticket not approved by business? You don’t touch it. Yet the geniuses I work with went total yolo mode on a project I’m not on. So I wasn’t there to remind them and now they’re upset they got told off they spent a week on tickets that they were asked to discuss with the business. And that they aren’t getting praise for their efficiency. It’s government work, not your hobby project. That’s a week of budget spent on work they may need to reverse because they didn’t even put it on a branch. Maybe when they hear it from higher up they’ll listen because I really get the impression when it comes from me it is seen as my personal opinion. No, I just figured out early how the office politics work and play the game I’m paid for. I voice my opinion plenty but here it actually aligns with the organisation expectations.
Not to this scale, but my partner’s father has spent a fair bit of money doing upgrades and repairs that are technically for the landlord. However, I should note that the contract isn’t registered, meaning the landlord cannot index the rent. This also makes it hard to hold the landlord responsible for doing any repairs. On the other hand, renter can’t be held responsible for modifications either. So legally there is more freedom on either side. Thing is, the renter can always demand registration. But usually this means no renewal of the contract. It’s very likely here the property would get sold and even if he brings up the money, it may be sold to someone else. So the short answer is really that people in poverty often don’t know or don’t dare to stand up for their rights and loopholes like this keep existing because you can get a cheaper rent on a building not up to standards.
I get it. I always found a dishwasher too expensive for what I’d gain from it. Doing dishes manually for one or two adults who are diligent about reuse isn’t that much effort. But after being gifted a second hand one in excellent condition, I am very happy to have it in my home. The running cost is very reasonable. I’m unsure if I would replace it if broken. But for now it is serving me very well.
I do not have a proper autism diagnosis as I stopped after the initial screening (I am suspected to be though), but my existence is held together by habits.
Some of these habits are pure preference, such as the first tea I drink in a day will have some honey added to it. Other habits I have conditioned myself into doing to the point where it feels wrong not to do them, such as scooping the litterbox every day. I also do the thing where everything has a fixed spot or order, and I even have a checklist in the morning to see that I have gathered and done everything I need to leave for work.
The real challenge is making a difficult habit stick, or when something about my day changes. For example, in the morning on weekdays I brush my teeth as it is part of getting ready for work, but on weekends it’s not in the order of things that I execute so it gets forgotten about. I might remember and then do it, or I might not. I will however always still brush them in the evening because it’s in my evening routine. The difference here is that it is ok to maybe not do it then, but if I arrived at work with unbrushed teeth I’d be mortified and stressing all day…
The “don’t break the chain” method is good for difficult habits but I need to use something like a todo list to keep reminding me. I also struggled with tasks like doing the dishes for years because I absolutely hated the task. It’s only after consistently doing them every time that eventually it got to a turning point where I was excited to get those stupid dishes over with so I could feel good about having it done. However despite that some things just never stick. Or I will not start them. Exercise for example.
My partner has remarked it is a bit peculiar I do things always the same, but he has seen the advantage in that I am always prepared for everything. However while he can brush off having forgotten something, it can impact me greatly. It’s been suggested to me I should get ADHD screening (and finish the autism one) because I do am distracted, I can start a routine task and never finish it because I got sidetracked and it somehow auto-completed in my brain. But at the same time I think I very much use habits and routines to deal with the fact that it keeps anxiety under control for me. Control as a whole makes me feel safe. But it does come at a cost. Not everyone likes how I am, which is fair, because it can overflow from me wanting to control my own stuff to me demanding control over others.
Single flash of hazards to thank someone is common in Brussels traffic, there are a lot of very selfish drivers on the road who never let anyone merge in. Haven’t seen it outside of here, maybe because people are usually a bit more polite or zipper merging works as it should.
Common in all of Belgium to put hazards on to warn people behind you that there is a traffic jam up ahead. I really like that passing the baton system.
Also single flash of high beams to notify someone you’ve seen them and they can cross or pass where they’d otherwise not have right of way. While you should always be as predictable as possible, sometimes doing it wrong resolves the situation faster for everyone.
I also always raise my hand as a thanks when someone stops to let me use a crossing (I have the right of way as a pedestrian but I still feel like sending people a thank you for observing the rules correctly). Did that when walking in Brussels this morning out of sheer habit, realized that is probably actually pretty unusual for a big city. My small town habits are betraying me.
When I started my career and I worked at small companies, I figured they just didn’t know any better. Now I’m further along in my career I have come to realize that really big companies (as well as government agencies) have the exact same problems except on a much larger scale.
My partner was admitted to the hospital when they couldn’t inflate his collapsed lung, as it had a hole in it. They put him on a machine that uses negative pressure to keep the lung shaped as it should be. Normally the hole should close but it wasn’t. Ended up with surgery but the problem remained. They were coming up with increasingly outlandish theories as to why it wasn’t healing, even going so far as to test him for tuberculosis, and listing him as false negative for covid. They also denied him adequate pain management, until one nurse noticed and gave him ibuprofen to go with paracetamol. This was all when the covid vaccine was only just out so I had to sit by helplessly while I’m increasingly realising the level of care he is receiving doesn’t match my expectations. But he’s never even been in a hospital and self advocacy is not something he’s learned.
Eventually they transfer him to a larger hospital. The doctor there doesn’t want to talk straight but between the lines you get the message that he feels the case was entirely mismanaged. They immediately lower the reverse pressure. Hold off on further surgery. Within days healing begins. A week later the lung is healed. It’s a miracle…
Anyway, we looked into legal options but there was a lack of proof. The original doctor followed procedure. Yet I’m 100% convinced that because my partner smokes, has bad teeth and looks like a metalhead, there was prejudice at play. I can’t know for sure but I feel like the original doctor blamed my partner and figured she’d have to scare him straight. That didn’t help of course, he resumed smoking and he’s unwilling to seek help because of this experience. I’m honestly shocked at how this could happen, but as time goes on I’ve seen in other situations how people immediately conclude a person is lower class and thus must be treated differently. If you do one thing for yourself, look into self advocacy. Especially when it comes to medical stuff. My own level of care started to go up when I began to have a conversation with health professionals, outlining my experience and asking many questions. But I’m a middle class woman with fairly conventional looks, so there is a whole level of prejudice I immediately don’t face.