And a child is assumed to be a future combatant.

I mean, a score is 20. I think that means they’ve killed two thousand scores of people. “Scores of women and children” doesn’t really do that justice.

Ain’t nobody fuck with tiny hippo. Ain’t nobody.

I spent my 30s feeling like a retiree, but then I bought a bicycle at age 39 and started riding 25-50 miles a day. Now I’m approaching my 60s and I’m in the best shape of my life. Barring catastrophic and permanent injuries, I think the main problem with aging is that being sedentary causes your body to decay and the older you are the more time you’ve had to be sedentary. Get up off your dead asses, people, and don’t tell me you don’t have the time for exercise. You have plenty of time to watch TV and scroll through your phones, turn some of that time into something useful.

Man you are not going to believe this … it’s from Asterix in Ohio.

Appease for long enough to grab a big stick.

Neville Chamberlain got a bad rap from history for doing exactly this. He gave Hitler bits of what he wanted while making sure Britain had enough modern fighters (Hurricanes and Spitfires) to fend off the Luftwaffe when war inevitably did break out.

The Art of the Squeal

I’ve only ever really felt jealousy when it involved a woman turning me down and then sleeping with somebody else. As long as I’m allowed in the club, I don’t really care how many other people have been let in.

as long as she had clearly chagee

Tea?

that’s when I told her about the escorts.

Jesus Christ, never admit that you drove a Ford.

You’d have to be living under a rock to not be aware of Musk’s political side at this point … and rocks are too expensive for anybody to afford any more.

Russia or Saudi Arabia. My guess would be Russia since that’s the best place to get Russian prostitutes to pee on you. Although I’m sure Saudi Arabia can provide that, too.

Fun little-known fact: Saudi Arabia provided political asylum for the rest of his miserable, syphilitic life to fucking Idi Amin after he was ousted from Uganda.

This shit again. Those numbers are nothing to worry about at all, they’re just meant for the Russian sleepers sitting in their apartments next to NATO military facilities, telling them to continue not setting off their hydrogen bombs. I don’t know why people worry about this.

or used

So the X-Wing Luke flies to meet Yoda for the first time (ostensibly in a different star system) was a starship?

Used to be, you got one comic with the sunday paper. There was no bingeing your favorite comics you just waited until they came out.

I mean, this is true if “used to be” means “prior to WWII” (or maybe even earlier). Publishers have been putting out collections of comic strips in book form for a very long time - I grew up in the '70s reading Pogo compendiums published in the 1960s.

I once used the word twat around my then-girlfriend and she “corrected” me, insisting it was pronounced “twah”. Turns out she thought people saying it were trying to use the French word toit and mispronouncing it. No idea why she thought anybody would want to call somebody else a French roof.

I used to work for a software company that was a beneficiary of a $12 million a year political pork grant from the state of Louisiana that was officially intended for improving industrial and manufacturing capability in Louisiana. Somehow, my company was managing to spend this money in Mississippi, and giving it to a national defense contractor that wasn’t exactly in desperate need of (more) government handouts. That’s how fucking corrupt Mississippi is: they even suck in the corruption from their corrupt neighbors, while making sure that not a penny of that shit goes towards improving a state that I would describe as third-world if it wouldn’t be so insulting to the third world.

In his defense, you kinda have to just lay there when a Russian prostitute is peeing on you.

I’m not saying he was any sort of genius, just that he wasn’t the country bumpkin he was pretending to be.