This week we had to give away our two dogs because we found out our daughter is allergic. That was Wednesday.

Thursday I came home to fnd all of our fish, snails, and conch in our salt water aquarium had died. We lost 2 clownfish, 3 firefish, a diamond goby, turbo and nassarius snails, tiger conch, and peppermint shrimp. So far the 2 rock anemones, corals, hermit crabs, corals, and emerald crab survived.

Found a bristleworm last night which is suspect for killing something at night in a hidden corner which started to rot and cause an ammonia cascade.

On brighter notes we added budgies to our menagerie to make up for the gap the dogs are leaving and they’re wonderful and our other aquariums are all doing fantastic. We didn’t get all our garden planting done yesterday so I’m looking forward to planting some echinacea, a hard chicago fig, hardy hibiscus, and coral sedum this afternoon.

Our daughter is starting her summer vacation with a road trip and stay at a resort in Panama Beach with her cousin. With her out of town for a week we received delivery of her new bedroom set (graduating from her first bed to a full size “big girl” bed), cleared out the old furniture, and started painting her room the color she’s been asking for. She’s not aware of all this and I can’t wait to see the light in her eyes when she sees her new room.

I’m waiting for things to end. Be it 🌤️ or 💀 way.

It is day one of two that I have to leave the dog home alone while I’m at work. My anxiety level is at about a 9/10

I had a longwinded mental breakdown that spanned a few months. I was having severe depression and other issues — paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, derealization, anxiety attacks. I’m not quite well at the moment but it’s looking better after an adjustment in my meds. For the first time in months, everything is feeling a little less crazy and the world doesn’t feel like broken glass to my senses.

I’m posting here weekly about my attempts to make my eating habits less dysfunctional with depression and low energy to hold myself accountable.

I spent some time planning how to make my diet as simple and healthy as possible, and how to plan ahead meals for when I am in a depressive episode and struggling to cook/eat. So here’s what it is:

1. For breakfast, I am always eating oatmeal with yogurt and walnuts. Simple, easy, and repetitive breakfast doesn’t bother me. It’s also easy to buy all these ingredients in bulk so I never have to worry.

2. For lunch, I am always eating a sandwich or a wrap, although the contents of the sandwich can vary. Deli meat and cheese is always easy to source and make sandwiches out of if I am feeling low energy. If I am feeling higher energy, I can make sandwiches/wraps out of chopped leftover vegetables and meats, such as chicken salad sandwich etc.

3. For dinner, I will be cook a proper meal with protein + carb + veg side dish. The key here is I will be cooking three servings at once and freezing the leftover two servings to eat when I feel depressed. This way, I can build up a buffer of real food in the freezer when I feel more functional and can eat it later when my energy is bad.

And with this plan, I am only really cooking 1.5 meals a day (I’m counting sandwiches as half cooking due to lower prep time). I’m hoping too eating better with improve my energy levels and make coping with the rest of my life easier.

My actual meal plan this week is then:

Sandwich: Apple chicken salad sandwich

Dinner 1: Pirogi, Polish sausage, and Brussels sprouts (trying to use up freezer leftovers)

Dinner 2: Pozole, bread, broccoli

Kinda crappy. I’ve been feeling depressed the last several days, probably the worst It’s been for a few months.

Plus I’ve got a major project I need to finish by Wednesday and it’s running behind.

I don’t like feeling this way, it just sucks.