Well, it depends on what you think a role model is.
But, yeah, parents are supposed to be your fundamental guides into adulthood. That means at least partially teaching by example, which is what a role model is; someone in a role that you use as a living example of how to function in a specific or general situation.
Role models can lead by words, but words tend to be meaningless unless backed by matching behaviors. “Do as I say, not as I do” is very difficult to make work unless you’re a completely negative role model. If you really suck at something, using yourself as a model of what not to do, that’s actually valuable. But if it’s more of a mix like most people are, the whole DAISNAID model of guidance fails.
That’s not to say that perfection is required either. But it is how you act when you fuck up that’s going to be most important, not what you say.
Parents fuck up. That’s because humans fuck up. So, even if parents are incredible, you still don’t want to rely on only them as a road map. Same with family in general. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, older siblings and cousins, you watch all of them and do your best to interpret how their choices could apply to your own life.
Age isn’t a guarantee of wisdom. But experience does tend to be a great teacher, and the folks ahead of you in age can be a great source of options. Doesn’t matter if they achieved the thing you’re working towards, if what they did didn’t work out, that’s still useful.
So even a “bad” example can still end up benefiting you. Even the really shitty parents out there, once you realize that they’re the same flawed and ignorant humans that have always existed, at least model things to avoid. The problem is how long it can take to realize your parents are just people, just regular people that had to navigate the same way you’re trying to. Be patient with yourself as you figure that out.
Well, it depends on what you think a role model is.
But, yeah, parents are supposed to be your fundamental guides into adulthood. That means at least partially teaching by example, which is what a role model is; someone in a role that you use as a living example of how to function in a specific or general situation.
Role models can lead by words, but words tend to be meaningless unless backed by matching behaviors. “Do as I say, not as I do” is very difficult to make work unless you’re a completely negative role model. If you really suck at something, using yourself as a model of what not to do, that’s actually valuable. But if it’s more of a mix like most people are, the whole DAISNAID model of guidance fails.
That’s not to say that perfection is required either. But it is how you act when you fuck up that’s going to be most important, not what you say.
Parents fuck up. That’s because humans fuck up. So, even if parents are incredible, you still don’t want to rely on only them as a road map. Same with family in general. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, older siblings and cousins, you watch all of them and do your best to interpret how their choices could apply to your own life.
Age isn’t a guarantee of wisdom. But experience does tend to be a great teacher, and the folks ahead of you in age can be a great source of options. Doesn’t matter if they achieved the thing you’re working towards, if what they did didn’t work out, that’s still useful.
So even a “bad” example can still end up benefiting you. Even the really shitty parents out there, once you realize that they’re the same flawed and ignorant humans that have always existed, at least model things to avoid. The problem is how long it can take to realize your parents are just people, just regular people that had to navigate the same way you’re trying to. Be patient with yourself as you figure that out.