My go to is the “See yourself as the price.”-approach. When you jokingly set her up that she is hitting on you. For example:
Her: So, you want anything to drink?
Me: Oh I see, already trying to get me drunk, eh?
Be best friends with her for yyears. Then literally just look at each other, shrug and say “Meh…might as well fuck”.
Be a normal person around them without trying anything. If they like you, you’ll notice it.
… usually randomly 5 years afterward.
I have seen many women do this actually. Never worked
I have had friends say years after things like “oh I’d screw your brains out the second you wagged your finger at me”. Or “oh so men and women can’t be just friends” when they were interested in me and I was into them. I do flirt and show interest, rarely have any response, yet years later, when we are just friends (or if she or I are in a relationship) I get confessions. Maddening.
I find that cringe tbh. Just be curious about the other person and talk like a human, not like a creep. Asking shit like “are you trying to get time drunk?” might sound funny to a man, but it is a legitimate concern for women and makes you sound like an arrogant teenager.
How in hell did your rational take get downvoted… The Lemmy hive mind is certainly just as bad as Reddit’s.
Yep, the more you spend here the more you realize it’s just Reddit but ad-ftee lol
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Disassociate and make funny small talk while i internally have an anxiety attack.
Pro move.
Classic cousin of the “realize a week later they were hitting on you and you blew it monumentally”
A week? What is this, professional hour?! Try a few years.
The best way to talk to a woman is to treat her like a person
Bingo. My approach to this is being really honest. Just tell her you’re interested and how you’re interested. See where the conversation goes from there.
Bitches love cheese.
Real talk though, a wine and cheese date is amazing especially if you get wild with moldy cheeses and you both end up laughing at each others “weird cheese faces”
Make them laugh, easy day.
Become a ball of anxiety, never talk to them, remain alone.
My technique is to not be interested in the person. Not like ignoring them or being mean or anything. But… when I like someone, I get all shy and awkward around them and I tend to screw up any attempt at socializing.
If I’m not romantically interested in them, I can be myself, which I’ve been told is naturally very funny and flirtatious.
Every person I’ve ever dated was a friend long before I started a relationship with them, because I took the time to know them and eventually developed mutual feelings for them. By the time I was asked out, I already had deep respect for them and felt comfortable being myself around them, so dating was just the next step in our relationship.
And yes, I’ve always been the one asked out. I asked out a girl once, and instead of just saying no, she made a public spectacle about how creepy I was and how she would never date me. I was extremely shy back then and my failed attempts to approach her apparently came off as me creeping on her, so by the time I actually worked up the courage to talk to her, she gave me a traumatizingly public “hell no.” I never asked anyone else out again after that. I’ve dated close to a dozen people in my life and every single one of them asked me out.
“Hi, I’m an ultra boring nerd girl. I’m on several Fediverse platforms. …No, I don’t know Nicole. Please don’t follow me. No seriously please don’t.”
I’m not very good at socialising, sorry
swoon
You hear about Pluto? That’s messed up.
I hear that nose flick
Being near them for 4 years as a casual acquaintance and hoping they eventually initiate something.
And how’s that going for ya?
This would be a huge turnoff for me, letting me know I’m dealing with an immature conceited person. Maybe forget “techniques” and be real. If they like you they do, if not who cares? Someone else will.
The thing is flirting is expected. It’s part of the communication. If you are not obvious enough things will not move on
I hate flirting. I just don’t understand it. It’s this weird social dance that no one explains but expects people to understand. It all feels hypocritical that comes with unreasonable expectations.
The biggest source of frustration for me comes from the fact that I have to act in a way that says I am interested while not saying I am interested. That just does not work for me.
I don’t flirt. I don’t even try. I don’t want to be with someone flirty because from my past experiences, flirty people are also not straight forward about other parts of their true selves.
Flirty people also misinterpret a lot of my actions as a result of me not understanding flirting as well. Many flirty people from my experiences have assumed I am flirting. I was just being nice. I was treating them like a person. Just like I treat family like people. And friends like people. And strangers like people.
As a not flirty person, the number of times people have pushed me up against a wall and kissed me, or just jump to kissing me has been way more than I ever expected out of life. Each time has been equally confusing. I wasn’t flirting. I was just treating them how I wanted to be treated.
I have no advice to give but I have some thoughts to share from my life experiences. People like being treated like people. People who make mistakes. People who have their own thoughts and feelings. People who are themselves. I’ve made more genuinely close connections with people, intimate or not, by just treating people as people. And it’s really something as simple as that. Also having a genuine smile helps quite a bit too. When I smile because I’m enjoying the moment, I notice that it draws people towards me. It’s a type of energy that draws people in and it makes me feel even better about myself too.
I can relate to everything you’ve said here. You seem like a genuine and decent person, one I might like to have a conversation and exchange ideas. You seem like a person who, of our ideas on topics don’t align perfectly or at all, would make arguments that would be worth considering.
Thank you for letting me know you exist. I already feel richer, for it. 🪷
Maybe forget “techniques” and be real.
For many people, being playful, like on OP’s example, is being real. I’m a playful person. I have generally been a class clown my entire life, and I’d even say it’s a pretty core part of my personality and my identity.
I’ve been married over 10 years, with kids, and I still do this kind of stuff with my wife. I enjoy being silly with my kids, too.
And when I was dating I’d rely pretty heavily on humor for flirting throughout all stages, from meeting a stranger to setting up a first date to being on a date, to going on multiple dates. The other person’s laughter was an indicator of whether we were making a connection. And then, later on, I learned that I could expect my partner to be funny too, and actively make me laugh.
Being fun and flirty is a legitimate strategy for making sure you have the opportunity to connect with people. It is, in itself, attractive to some. And it might be unattractive to others, but it’s better to be attractive to some and unattractive to others than it is to be forgettable and unnoticed.
If they like you they do, if not who cares?
I think this is a pretty naive way of looking at relationships. Connections require some level of effort, especially in adult life. As much as we’d all love to just naturally have friendships, romantic partners, and other relationships just fall into our laps, that’s not really how that works. Most connections require a bit of work to find others, to find commonalities, to develop interest, to have some give and take of making a deeper connection, to have some vulnerability and growth and change as that stranger becomes an acquaintance and develops into someone close.
For younger people, especially under 30, looking for a partner isn’t just about looking for someone they like now. It’s also someone they want to grow with and experience things together with.
This is true good advice. Being your actual self, while not always producing results will give you an actual connection when it’s real.
Aybe a good way to get a foot in the door as an ice breaker.
Once there, you can do the actual communication, no?I don’t think this is really a good way though. Perhaps with some small subset of people. I also don’t believe in repeating the same jokes every time. The delivery starts to feel too professional after a few repetitions and it shows the communication is not authentic.
The closest I’ve ever gotten to intentionally flirting and it succeeding was playing “Questions Only.” with someone who didn’t know I was playing this. My friend, who dared me to play, had to tell the target my name since I couldn’t say my name since I had to respond to everything with a question.
So, um, learn to listen?
“Didn’t I already tell you my name is HobbitFoot?”
I’m starting to get in to the dating game but my strat currently is try to become friends with them first, then SO after. If it doesn’t end well maybe you’ll have a good friend
