Funny, in all honesty, and I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but it sounds like you’re creating your own problem here. You’ve got a self fulfilling prophecy kind of thing happening where you’re already determined to have a terrible time going out to eat with friends/colleagues so you ensure that’s exactly what happens.

Try to be more easy going and patient, and try to make a connection with those around you. Going out to eat is rarely about the food, it’s about the company. And I agree, small talk is insufferable, but it helps establish a base from which you can launch into more significant or more intimate subjects of discussion. It’s a hoop to have to jump though in order to earn the rewards of camaraderie.

Good luck my anonymous friend – you can do it!