This is fairly obvious, but I can offer an anecdote.

I am a man, for context. Recently I had to edit some personnel photos for my company.

Some group had been brought in to take headshots of all of the major players, a lot of whom are women, and they did a terrible job. Found out after the fact that the group that was brought in was brought in nepotistically and did not have any proven skill worthy the amount of money that the company paid them for their services.

Since it was my job to edit the photos, I was complaining about the quality of the photos, how the wrong lenses had been chosen that caused their faces to be distorted, how the makeup was done inexpertly, and how the photos were a significant downgrade of the photos that were currently there in most cases. I have a little bit of experience in this because my ex-girlfriend was a model and I attended and helped and actually photographed her on multiple occasions for clothing distributors and for makeup brands, like I know a little bit of what I’m talking about. Just a little bit.

A co-worker of mine got really upset that I was talking about the appearance of my female co-workers.

There was no opportunity for me to explain to her that I am not talking about my coworkers. I’m talking about the photographs of my coworkers. She directly ordered me to “not talk about the appearance of my female coworkers”.

And now it’s really hard for me to think positive thoughts about her because she immediately went to one of the worst possible explanations for what I was doing rather than asking or even talking to me about it.

I know well enough to know that if you’re talking about your co-workers and one of your co-workers comes in and says, don’t talk about your co-workers, to not talk about your co-workers. She’s clearly indicated that she is offended. Fine.

But I was talking to one of the co-workers who had their headshot, and we were discussing her headshot, and the quality of it, and what they had done right, and what they had done wrong, when that person came in and told me to shut up. She interjected herself into a conversation she was not a part of, and indicated that she was offended that this conversation was happening and implied that I was being sexist for having it.

Like, we were having a good and productive conversation because it had already been decided that another group was going to be brought in for additional headshots because the quality of these headshots was not up to snuff.

But now I’m all bent out of shape, and personally butthurt, and she feels like, you know, she struck a mighty blow for the feminist cause, and it’s all bullshit, and it just- I’m- I’m struggling to find a way to stop sitting in my feelings over it.

Before all of this, I really liked her as a person. Now I don’t want to be in the same room with her because she can judge me like that.