Update: canceled. Thanks for all your thoughts and opinions! I didn’t even mention the Terrifier gifs he’d sent re: our first date. 😅
So I’m about two weeks out of a year-ish long relationship, but even if I wasn’t, I think this guy I’m seeing tonight would give me the willies. I decided to jump back on the horse pretty quickly - that relationship had been fizzling for awhile and I didnt really feel the need to mope on about it.
Anyway, I got onto Facebook dating and have and a few nice dates with a couple guys. I’m supposed to go out for the first time with this guy tonight, and I was really excited at first. We’ve chatted a lot of jokes, memes, silly things already. But I get the sense that he may be a “falls hard and fast” sort of person. He’s made a few sexual innuendos I’ve largely ignored. He’s also already referred to the zero dates we’ve had so far as “dating” and asked if I want kids. When I let him know that I didn’t want any biological children but may be open to adopting at some point and told him why (gestures at the world), he said he wants at least one bio kid. I let him know it was fine to cancel since we’re on different pages there, but he insisted he’s really excited to meet me. Then he said he actually wants two lol.
He’s already texted me this morning a pretty deep-cut picture of me from Facebook with, “Can you judge me for wanting to kiss this girl?” or something like that. I know it was a mistake to let him have my profile so soon, and what’s worse is there was a picture of my house on there I feel like he could reverse image for my address. I’ve deleted that pic, but even feeling like I needed to for this guy probably means I need to not meet him, right? Or am I overreacting? It’s just a movie date, nothing fancy, and I can leave if I’m skeezed, but wanted to get an unbiased take on if my pre-skeeze seems warranted. Maybe I just need to be more clear on him slowing tf down?
You tried to cancel, he refused to accept that. Huge fucking red flag! He also ignored your clearly started desire for no kids.
The rest of it sounds like love bombing, a really disgusting tactic mostly used by abusive individuals to get you to doubt your own thoughts and feelings. But really, I strongly suggest you do some web searches regarding love bombing.
I think there’s a lot of misinformation about love bombing. Some people just get really interested in others and spend a lot of time and energy being cutesy. This is not a psychotic manipulation tactic. This is just actual interest in another human being.
The problem with love bombing is that it is very difficult to tell the difference between the two, so some people have defensively started saying that everybody that does it is love bombing because they’re a psycho as a self-defense mechanism, and that’s just not the case.
That being said, I think this person is putting out weird vibes.
If you’re at the point where you’re posting on lemmy about how you don’t want to go out with this person, that should be all of the information you need to know that you should not go out with this person.
Do you mean this?
I interpreted that as her giving him a chance to cancel, but he didn’t take that offer. 🤔
I get your point. I guess I made some assumptions there. Still feels like a big red flag that he handwaved a very big difference in their desired outcomes.
In other words, it doesn’t sound like he respects her wishes at all.
🤷♂️ He might want kids, and she doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to just have some fun before settling down. Maybe they can do so together before parting ways. Lots of men and women and others date this way, just to have some fun and move along. I don’t, I’m a long-lasting-relationship kind of fella.
Maybe he’s fine with not having kids with her. Maybe he’s even so based that he respects her wishes and just wants to meet to see what happens. Maybe they’ll fall in love so hard that he’s willing to accept not having two biological kids.
We just don’t know.